


Is It Too Late?

by Rocknrolldamnation73



Category: AC/DC (Band)
Genre: Complicated Relationships, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Humor, Realistic, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-07-05 17:24:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 25,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15868275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rocknrolldamnation73/pseuds/Rocknrolldamnation73
Summary: "I wouldn't have done all the things that I have done if I knew one day you would come..."It's been four years since Angus last saw the first girl he ever loved being ripped out of his life. What happens when she comes to one of their concerts?





	1. Amy

Four years. Four years since I’d seen them let alone spoken to them and yet here I was getting ready to go to their show.  _ Why am I doing this? _ The question looped around in my brain on constant repeat from the second I stepped outside of my dingy apartment. I had no reasonable explanation other than I bought the ticket on impulse when I saw who the band was. Not even four years could erase the memories I had with them and all I could focus on at that moment was how much I missed them. So, I had handed over the money and it took a few good minutes before realizing what I’d just done. There have been few times in my life where I’ve acted impulsively, and those few times were such a long time ago. They all circled back to the boys. It’s hard not to laugh at the irony. Four years later and they’ve still got me acting like a teenager. 

_ My god, what have I gotten myself into? _

See, I could live with myself if I knew I was being dramatic, but how can one not react so strongly when they’re about to see a group of people that went through hell and back with you? Okay, hold on, I suppose it was two people, in particular, that got me through some rough patches. Us three spent our last four years of school together. We were inseparable after that first year. Together we struggled through the pitfalls. Cried and laughed during the good times. Our trio grew to six at the end of the third year and from that moment on we were our own group. The Outcasts. Rebels without a cause. It carried on like that for quite a while. The boys had started their own band, and… well, it hurt to remember what had happened. It all went so fast and I had no choice but to leave. There hadn’t been time for long goodbyes or plans to be made. For a while, there had been letters, but within a few months, those became less frequent until they stopped altogether. Lost addresses and the constant state of moving didn’t help out the situation. Had it been up to me I would’ve never left, unfortunately, my parents had other ideas. Not just for themselves but for me as well. They pictured me being someone of high society. A lawyer if you will. They often looked the other way rather than see me for who I really was. Who I wanted to be. It didn’t come to be a big surprise when I dropped out of college when the opportunity came. At least to me, it wasn’t a surprise. I had a passion for writing. Not for needles and patients.

That’s what brought me here to Seattle. Living the dream of being an aspiring writer. Shady apartment complex included. Of course, none of that mattered right now. Right now was me walking to a stadium where it was crowded inside and out. Parking spaces filled to the brink, the streets were filled with both cars and pedestrians. You could feel excitement crackling in the air. Thousands bore shirts with the band’s logo on it. It was almost overwhelming, although I wasn’t coming in knowing nothing. I’d heard a few things here and there about the band, and I couldn’t resist buying a few of their records. I knew they’d be good, however, it brought along bittersweet emotions. A lot of memories too.

_ And you’re about twenty minutes away from seeing them again _ , a tiny voice in my head took great pleasure in reminding me. My heart was pounding in my chest. I didn’t waste time on trying to calm it down because I knew the effort would be futile.

I didn’t have to stand in the line that curved around the stadium since I already had bought my ticket. Instead, I was led inside by security where tons of fans were already bunched around the merchandise booths. Everyone’s voices buzzing around in anticipation of the show. I was tempted to join the crowds, but I was drawn to the front of the stage. There was no designated seating and a wall of people were already there. I managed to get close enough where I knew I would get a decent view. I desperately wanted to see them all again, and I certainly didn’t plan on it being like this, but I had to take what I could get. Even if they didn’t see me, which was looking to be the case. I wasn’t all that tall, and the lights alone would blind them from getting any sort of view of the crowd.  _ That’s okay,  _ I thought.  _ Maybe it’s better off that way _ . 

I didn’t have to stand around for long. Within moments the place was packed, and the warm crackle of the amps could be heard over the crowd’s chatter. Then the first strike of a chord was heard, and I didn’t have to think twice about who it was that made the sound. He was on the stage, running across it like a bullet while in his schoolboy suit. The others followed, taking their respective positions. The place was jumping, I mean that with all literal sense. It was electrifying. You couldn’t help but jump and dance while singing along. An hour and a half passed in what felt like a blink of an eye. It didn’t last long enough. Those moments where Angus was standing at the edge of the stage, headbanging away, sent a surge of pride through me. I always believed they would make it. All those long talks outside on the porch… I almost wanted him to stop and see me. Almost. For a second I thought maybe Malcolm had spotted me, but it couldn’t have been true. I didn’t spend a lot of time pondering on it. I was simply thrilled to see them like this, even though they didn’t know that I was here. That was alright. Their lead singer, Brian— was that his name? — certainly saw me. He had pointed at me during a song and then gestured with his head toward the security guards standing outside of the barrier that kept fans from stampeding up and onto the stage. It had been a quick motion, one that I had nearly missed, but it still had left me feeling confused. He had carried on through the song, never repeating his actions. The security guard, he also hadn’t missed Brian’s actions and had looked equally as confused. He hadn’t been sure himself if he meant me. He’d given me a shrug when I had maneuvered my way to where he was.

That had been two songs before the show ended and the place wasn’t emptying any time soon. Fans were chanting AC/DC. The security guard left, telling me to wait for a moment. I stood there shuffling my feet around, growing more and more anxious by the minute. When he came back, he had Brian with him. I felt bad for the guy when Brian appeared to have brushed him off on something and strode quickly to where I was. By this point, fans weren’t paying attention. They were leaving out the front doors and Brian wasn’t noticed. He looked like a regular roadie if you only gave him a glance over. He had a genuine smile on his face when he stopped in front of me. I didn’t know why. He didn’t know me. I couldn’t imagine he did this for any old fan either. My hands were shaking ever so slightly. My stomach was in knots.

“Come on darlin’, I ain’t gonna bite ya,” he teased in a heavy Geordie accent. He paused then added with a smirk, “Well maybe.”

I tried to smile. I really did, but it felt more like a painful grimace. I didn’t know what to do with myself. Brian seemed to sense this and said, “What’s your name hon?”

I frowned but answered. “Amy. I still don’t understand—”

“Ordinarily this doesn’t happen, but a friend of mine told me to make sure you got backstage. They saw you during the show.”

“Who?” I asked, watching as the security guy worked to undo the gate and allow me to cross over to where they were standing.

“Said that you were a friend of their’s,” said Brian, starting to walk back to where he’d come from. In a split second, I decided to follow him. We went through a corridor before Brian stopped at a door where laughter and loud voices could be heard behind it. The smell of cigarette smoke permitted the area. My heart was beating fast, thudding in ears, and I can’t stop biting the inside of my cheek. Brian opened the door, stepping in front first, so I can’t see inside except for the haze of smoke.  

“Hey, Mal, I got the little lass you mentioned,” Brian said.

_ This is it _ , I think.  _ This is when I wake up and it’s all a cruel dream _ . But I’m not waking up and I can hear someone walking towards the door. The chatter isn’t as loud as it was before. The rest are certainly listening in.

“Well, let me see her Bri,” said Malcolm. The sound of his voice has my throat tightening with emotion. The last time I heard his voice I was being shoved into my parent’s car against my will.

It takes but a second where Brian moves aside, my eyes seeing the mop of dark hair first. I’m moving before I know it and I wrap my arms carelessly around his neck. Burrowing my face in the hollow of his shoulder. We stumble into the room, his arms locking tightly around my waist. “I missed you too.” I hear him whisper into my ear. “But I think someone missed you even more than I did.” He doesn’t give me a chance to react before he gently turns me around to face a couch. But it’s not the couch that catches my attention. It’s the person sitting on it, a towel wrapped around their bare shoulders.

“Angus,” I breath out. This is it. This is where I’m supposed to wake up.

It feels like a dream when he goes to stand up. It’s as if time has slowed, each second dragging on. I don’t wait for him to make his way to me. My body isn’t in control when I rush over to Angus, but he sees it coming. Maybe he was anticipating my action. His arms are open regardless, catching me when I jump into his embrace. He spins us in a shaky circle, his arms wrapped securely around me. I nuzzle my face into his neck, but this time it feels like coming home after a long holiday. All the tension within my body relaxes. I don’t know I’m crying until he sets me down and his thumb brushes away the tears running down my cheeks.

“You kept me waiting a long time, love.”


	2. Angus

I sat there shaking my head at Mal's words. _He's mistaken_ , I thought. There were thousands of people out there tonight, and all of them were crammed together.

"I'm tellin' you, Ang, she was out there tonight. I saw her," Mal persisted. "Do you really think I'd mistake her for someone else?"

"That's exactly what I'm thinkin' because it's been four damn years since we've seen her," I said. They say time heals all wounds, but as the years keep going by, I'm finding that saying to be faulty. No amount of time was going to heal the wound that her leaving caused. Not a day went by where I didn't think of her, where I didn't miss her, and it was too much to hope that she'd shown up here at our show.

"Seen who?" Cliff asked, walking into the room looking between Mal and me.

Malcolm doesn't look away from me. He's watching me. Waiting to see who breaks first. I wasn't about to give him the satisfaction, not when I'm willing to bet he saw some other girl that looked similar to Amy. I have to fight down the old feelings that arise when I think of her name. I'd built a wall against it long ago, but I hadn't had to talk about her in years. Malcolm knew to leave me alone about it, and the rest of the boys followed suit after seeing an outburst from me. It hadn't been a big one, but that first year of her being gone had been a hard one. Especially after the letters had stopped. For a while, it was easier to be angry and ignore the real reason why I was upset because while others chopped it up to be about her leaving, that hadn't been the whole truth, although it was certainly part of it. Only Malcolm knew everything and I planned to keep it that way. Unless it really had been her out there.

_So what if it was?_ A voice asked in the depths of my mind. The question poised itself over me, making any attempt of distraction to be pointless. Forcing me to take a good look at the real answer. I turned a blind eye to it.  _Doesn't matter,_  I thought.

"It wasn't her, Mal," I huffed out, getting up and off the couch. I wanted out of this room. Away from Mal's knowing eyes and Cliff's questioning ones. I headed out the back doors and pulled out my pack of smokes. Usually, a good long drag off a cig would take the stress away. Not this time. My thoughts ran back to Amy. I missed her like hell, and I couldn't ignore my itch of wanting to see her. God did I want to see her again. I took another drag and then tossed the cigarette aside.

When I got back Phil had joined the mix and the three of them were laughing about something Bon had done a few years back. He was a hard one to think of too, although for very different reasons, yet retelling stories about him made it easier to remember him. Made it seem as if he hadn't passed away six months ago, but was just taking a very long holiday. Bon would've told me to get over myself. That if Amy was really out there, right this instant, to go get her.

_"Stop being a pansy and tell her how you feel, Ang."_  I could practically hear him say.

_Well, Bon, it's a bit late for that isn't it?,_  I thought back. Plopping myself back down onto the loveseat couch. Malcolm saw me and smirked like he knew something that I didn't. I shook my head at him and joined in on the conversation. Bringing up the time when Bon was forced to buy a ticket into our own show because instead of riding into the gig with us, he'd gone off to ride the bus with the fans.

"Ain't there a picture of him pacing outside the place?" asked Phil, chuckling and taking a drag off his cigarette.

"I'm pretty sure it was printed in the newspaper," Cliff said, laughing into his mug.

It wasn't long after that Brian came in through the front door. He stood there like he was hiding something, cracking open the door just wide enough so we could only see him. I shoved it off as Brian being Brian. Maybe he had some groupie with him.

"Hey, Mal, I got the little lass you mentioned."

Now that caught my attention. Whatever Phil had started saying turned into white noise. Mal had Linda. He wasn't gonna fool around with some chick. So who the hell had he gotten Brian to get?

I wasn't the only one who'd gotten curious. Cliff was glancing off to where Mal was standing saying something to Brian, and eventually, Phil was sparing glances towards those two as well. Our attempt to keep the conversation going was half-hearted. It all but ended the second Mal stumbled into the room with a girl clinging to him. Her long brown hair made my heart skip a beat. It reminded me of warm summer days spent with the only girl who I couldn't bring myself to forget.  _It couldn't be..._

Mal turned her around, having her face me and I swear my heart did stop beating when I saw her. Amy. My girl.

I stood up in an instant. Catching her without thinking, as if it were second nature when she jumped into my arms and the sweet coconut smell of her hair filled my senses. My eyes fell shut. It felt like traveling back to a better time where the last four years hadn't happened.

I felt her take in a shaky breath and set her down gently, brushing away the tears I saw falling down her cheeks. My eyes traveled from them to her gaze. Her emerald green eyes were glazed from crying. My chest swelled with emotion, my heart hammering away in my chest.

"You kept me waiting a long time, love."

She smiled weakly, pulling me in for another hug. I was okay with that. I didn't plan on letting her go anytime soon. Whatever I was thinking before she'd walked into the room didn't matter anymore. Consequences be damned. Right now I had her in my arms and at this second that's all the mattered. The rest could wait.

She pulled back slowly.

"I missed you so much," She said barely above a whisper. "I didn't think I'd ever..." she trailed off and looked at Malcolm. "And you," she said with an edge of amusement.

"I couldn't just let you slip away," said Mal with a grin. "And Brian was willing to help me. I thought it'd be a nice surprise."

"I didn't think you actually saw me," she said.

Malcolm shrugged. "It was easy seeing you. How Angus missed you when he was standing right in front of you, I do not know," he teased.

"You know he doesn't see anything but his feet when he's up there," she said, amused. "But I did hope you would stop for a second and see me." She looked at me now, a small smile lifting her lips.

"I'll keep a better look-out next time, darlin'," I said.

_Tell her how you feel. Come on, Ang_. It was Bon's voice again. I ignored it once more. It'd been four years and all of what had been said and done was in the past now. It was too late for us. Even thinking about it made the ring on my finger feel like it weighed a ton.

I watched while Amy went and hugged Cliff then Phil, each of them bantering about being gone for so long as if we were back in school and it had been just a few days that she'd missed and not years. With her here now, it did feel as if she hadn't been gone that long. Everything fell back to how it had been when we'd been kids in school. If only the harbored feelings for her would go away, but things had changed. I was married.

"Angus?" Amy nudged my arm. "You alright?"

"Y-yeah. I'm fine, hon."

She didn't look convinced, but she was pulled into a conversation with Phil and I was left with Malcolm's gaze watching me carefully. If he saw or knew something that I didn't, he gave nothing away.

_Well, what'd he think was gonna happen?_ I couldn't help but be confused. Nothing could happen with Amy. But when she leaned into my side and rested her head on my shoulder, I didn't stop myself from wrapping my arm around her. Acting on an old habit that had always sent butterflies through my stomach. It amazed me that it still had that effect.

"Where you stayin' at Amy?" asked Cliff.

I felt her shrug before she said, "An apartment. It's a few blocks from here. Why?"

Cliff shared a grin with Malcolm and said, "If it's okay with you, would you wanna join us back at the hotel? We've got room."

"Yeah. Of course," said Amy. "I missed you guys too much to leave so soon."

It was on the drive back to the hotel when Amy had noticed the ring on my finger. We'd been talking and my left hand was resting on my leg. She'd look down in time for a street light's rays to flicker down on the ring. She'd paused mid-sentence, looking back at me with surprise (and had there been disappointment?) I couldn't be sure.

"When'd you get married?" she asked.

"Few months ago."

She nodded, but before she could say anything the car was being parked in front of the entrance to the hotel. We got out and Amy was walking beside Malcolm, saying something to him that I couldn't quite hear.

"Got your work cut out for you, mate," said Cliff, coming up from behind me. He sounded like he was trying hard not to laugh.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

He shrugged. "I got a way of seeing things."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! So how's Angus gonna handle this? Let me know what you thought and I hope you enjoyed this chapter :)


	3. Mal

We'd checked into the hotel and dropped off our stuff. It was undecided who Amy was going to bunk with, but assumably I thought she'd be staying with Angus. It became apparent as the night went on that that wasn't looking to be the case because although Angus and Amy were good at acting as if nothing was going on between them, the underlying tension followed with every move they made. She didn't sit too close to Ang, and while they'd always been comfortable around each other, his brother now acted as if a snake were sitting next to him judging from how stiff his shoulders were.

 _What the fuck had happened?_  I'd wondered throughout the evening.

I didn't have to wait for long to figure out the issue. Well, I use the term figure out rather loosely. More like Angus came into my room later that night pale and antsy. At first, he wouldn't talk to me about what was bugging him. I knew Angus was stalling and I let him do it for a while until I couldn't handle it any longer.

"I know you didn't come to talk to me at three in the morning about riffs. What's really bothering you? Is it about Amy?" Of course, it was about Amy. No one could get inside Angus' head like Amy. No one could make my brother do anything except for Amy.

"She's just— Mal, I'm so fucked." He started pacing around the room, his hands running through his already chaotic hair.

"Just tell me what happened."

He stopped in the middle of the room, staring at me as if I had told him to jump off a cliff. "Nothing happened. That's the problem. Nothing can happen. I'm at my wit's end, Mal. I've been driving myself crazy all night thinking about her. About the past. God, I haven't felt this way since..." he trailed off, not wanting to finish the sentence.

"I know, Ang. I know, and I'm sorry, but you can't—"

"Don't you think I know that can't do anything about this?" he asked, throwing his hands up. He let out a sigh and sat down next to me on the edge of the mattress. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright. I get it," I said.

There was a beat of silence before Angus said quietly, "I've missed her so much and I wanted more than anything for her to come back. I stopped thinking that would happen, you know, after three years and hearing nothing from her. Now she's here and I can't... I couldn't do that to Ellen. I love her, Mal." He sounded broken down, defeated by the cards that were handed to him. There was something else there too. Something he wasn't letting himself admit.

"I know you still love her." It wasn't necessary to clarify who I meant. I was the only person he'd ever told about Amy.

"Life's a bitch," he muttered, laughing once without humor.

"You just figured that out?" I replied, nudging his shoulder. "So what are you gonna do?"

I heard him take a deep breath. "She never knew how I felt back then. She doesn't need to know now. We can carry on being friends."

"And you'll carry on driving yourself insane every night?" I meant it teasingly, but it came out sounding bleak.

He shook his head and shoved my shoulder. "Piss off," he said, trying to sound serious and failing when he looked at me. We both shared a laugh and he got up to leave.

"I am sorry 'bout all this. I didn't mean to burden you with my bullshit," he said when he reached the door.

"Tis' alright. I'm here for you, Angus. You know that."

He nodded his head, opened the door and murmured, "Thanks, Mal." before shutting the door behind him.

*******

In the morning we couldn't find Angus or Amy. Cliff had been asleep when Amy must've left his room and who knows when Angus headed off, but one thing we all knew was that those two were together. Why yes, makes perfect sense, Angus. I frowned, annoyed with my brother's logic. Sneak off together like the old days why don't ya. And maybe I wasn't giving Angus enough credit, but from where I was standing he wasn't helping himself out any. Not after what he'd said last night. You don't go from being in love to friends in a second. He was fooling himself and doing a pretty bad job of it.

"Come on Mal, loosen up. We all missed her and hell they might've just gone on a walk to get time alone," Cliff said. Thing is I had a feeling that he knew more than he let on, and the glances that Angus and Amy had shared last night wasn't something to go unnoticed. Back in the day we'd all placed bets on how long it would take for them to get together. Later it turned into how long it was before it became really serious. It wasn't a secret how they felt about one another, but that was supposedly in the past. The past has a way of coming back and biting you in the ass, and I didn't envy Angus one bit.

"You know, don't you?" I asked him, getting straight to the point.

"Wasn't hard to see. I remember how they were in high school. I thought for a while that Angus had moved on, but you don't move on from that kind of connection, do you? I mean that'd be like you movin' on from Linda if she suddenly up and left. It wouldn't happen."

"That'd be a lot different. She's my wife, Cliff. Angus isn't in that kind of position."

Cliff waved me off. "Yeah, but you see my point. They can't help but be drawn together, no matter how they try to convince themselves otherwise."

"Ang's married. What is your point, Cliff?"

"He doesn't have a point. Both of you gossip like old women," Phil injected. "Let it be."

I look towards the lobby where the bay window looks out to the streets. I spot Amy and Angus heading back, the tension that had been there late last night now long gone.

"We can let it be," Cliff says quietly. "Can they?"

 I glance over at Cliff who's also looking at them. Phil follows his gaze and I hear him snort. "Hell no. That's Angus we're takin' about. Amy's as bad as he is. They're gonna do whatever they're gonna do. And you know what we're gonna do?" he didn't wait for us to respond. "We're gonna watch and hope they do what's right."

I wanted to believe that it was that simple. I wanted to hope that this would all end and be over for the better, but regardless of what Phil had said Cliff had made one good point. Those two were drawn together. Locked in some unbreakable connection as if they were meant to be together. Unfortunately, fate hadn't been too kind and they'd found each other when it was too late. It was too late, wasn't it?

"You sound like the old woman, Phil."

"Fuck off, Cliff."

The two continued to banter away. I did my best to ignore them and made my way to the lobby doors, where Angus and Amy were walking through. Her flushed cheeks and his carefree grin made it difficult to remember if there had ever been a problem. Made it possible to believe that perhaps it wasn't too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Let me know what you thought and I hope you enjoyed this chapter :)


	4. Amy

_What the hell am I doing?_

I ran my fingers through my hair, an anxious habit I'd never learned to kick. That didn't matter, though. I had a bigger habit to kick, and this one wasn't something as simple as stopping yourself from messing with your hair.

"Okay," I muttered to myself. "Okay. This is fine. All that stuff was in the past. It doesn't matter now, right?" Even to my own ears, my voice sounded weak. Fantastic. I couldn't even fool myself let alone the boys. Secrets were a rare thing to find in our group, and I knew that four years wouldn't have changed that, so where did that leave me?

Angus has always been the one person I trusted above anyone else. While Malcolm was like a brother to me, and I would always love him like one, it hadn't been that way with Angus. He was more. I knew that after just one year, but I hadn't known what to do about it back then. I'm wishing now more than ever that I had known what to do. Maybe things would've turned out differently and I wouldn't be hiding away in a bathroom because I needed to get myself together. How could one word shake me up this badly?

 _Married_.

I had walked into this impulsively. I didn't think about the consequences and I didn't think beyond the idea of being able to see them, yet here I was, forced to confront that deep down I still had wanted a chance to do what I couldn't do back then. Now, though, now I refused to tell him. It wouldn't do him any good to know. Those summer nights in the last year we spent together were now firmly sealed in the past, and it had been sealed with one simple word. I hadn't expected it to hurt this much. For it to feel as if a vice grip were around my heart and tightening with every second that passed.

I sat down with the door against my back, hugging my knees to my chest, wondering why I hadn't thought about this before.

"Amy?"

"Yeah, Cliff?" Try as I might, my voice betrayed me. Cracking around his name.

"Sweetheart, come on, open the door."

I considered ignoring him, but it wouldn't change anything. It wouldn't take away the pain.

The moment he saw my face, he brought me into a hug and walked to the couch. I leaned against him, but his arms weren't the ones that I wanted around my shoulders. I hated my own self for feeling that way.

"I know it's hard, but trust me when I tell you he never stopped caring about you," he said.

"How'd you know?"

"Been around him for years."

"No, I mean how'd you know that it was about... Is it that noticeable?"

I felt his shoulders shake and knew he was laughing. Some part of me wanted to be angry that he found humor in any of this, but I didn't have the energy for it.

"Hon, only if the person has known you and Angus for as long as I have. To be clear I'm not laughing at you, don't think I didn't see that scowl, but I forgot how much alike you and Angus are." Even then I could hear the mirth within his tone.

"Hardy har har," I muttered, before the rest of what he'd said caught up with me. "Angus has always been too caring. He doesn't like people knowing it, but he does."

"Yes, but Amy—" He stopped himself, shaking his head and began backtracking. "That may be true, however, you'll find that not everything has changed while you were gone. Especially with Angus."

"Married, Cliff. He's married," I said, frowning. How could he say not everything had changed with Angus?

"Yes. So?"

I stood up and headed for the door. It may have been early in the morning, but I needed to get out.

"So, everything's changed." I walked out the door, down the hallway and around the corner where I remembered the elevator being when we'd gone to our rooms. I let my racing thoughts consume me while waiting for the elevator doors to open. I didn't hear when someone called my name, although I nearly jumped out of my shoes when I felt someone's hand on my shoulder. It took but a second to realize who was next to me.

"Jesus, Angus. I'm gonna put a bell on you."

"Hey, not my fault you're deaf. Besides I'm not the collar wearing type, you know that," he said, his lips forming a smirk when my cheeks burned.

 _For Christ's sake, he shouldn't be able to still do that._ But Angus always had had that ability over me, bringing out the inner blushing schoolgirl.

"What are you doing awake?" I decided to switch tactics. Wasn't my best choice.

"Could ask you the same."

I knew what I wanted to tell him.  _I can't stop thinking about you. About us. Maybe freaking out because you're married!_  But that wouldn't go over well. Neither of us were great at communicating, as Angus tended to keep to himself and I was much the same, but we'd always been good at knowing how the other was feeling without having to say a word. For that reason, I was doing my best to keep my expression neutral. He didn't need to know that I was overreacting or more specifically, the reason behind it.

"I couldn't sleep," I said. After all, it was partially true.

"So, you thought going down to the lobby would help with that?" He didn't bother to stop himself from laughing when I huffed at him.

"Well, what are you doing out here?" I asked. Not missing how his darkened for just a moment. If I hadn't been paying attention I wouldn't have noticed, and part of me wanted to over-analyze that look, but I didn't have the time nor the will to do so.

"Same as you, I suppose, but was headed for the kitchen."

"Aren't they closed?"

He shrugged. The elevator doors opened and Angus stepped passed me to get in. He raised a brow and gave me a grin. "You comin'?"

_Goddammit._

I stepped in beside him. This was exactly what I should be avoiding, time alone with him, though it seemed common sense had all but left the building. It may also be that I never could refuse him if he flashed that stupid boyish grin. Had I really forgotten how much it—he— affected me?

As I had figured, the kitchen was closed, along with everything else in the hotel. "What's your plan now?"

"Have you lost your sense of adventure?" He queried, before gesturing towards the kitchen doors. "After you, m'lady." That damn grin was still in place.

"Angus, no, why—"

"You're no fun," he said, starting to head for the doors.

I shook my head, deciding whether or not to follow him.  _To hell with it_ , I thought. I couldn't deny that I had missed this about Angus.

"You and Bon, I swear," I muttered.

"Me and Bon, what?" He was walking towards the stoves now as if he owned the place. He was looking for something among the pots and pans. Would've helped had either of us had a flashlight.  _Just what was he doing?_

" _This_." I waved my hands at him. "Doing stuff that'll get us into trouble." It was too dark now to see his expression. I could hear his scoff, however.

"If I remember correctly, you never tried to stop us." He found whatever it was he was looking for and went over to another counter. I heard water hitting into a pan. "And you're not innocent from some of the misdeeds that we did," He finished saying, humor coloring his words. I saw him move over to a stove, and I had enough trying to guess what he attempting to do. I shuffled over to him.

"Yeah, well, shows how much of a bad influence you guys were," I teased. "I was a perfectly good citizen until I met you and Mal."

He chuckled, moving to turn on a burner. I saw the thing he had been searching for was a tea kettle. "Darlin', you and I know that that ain't true. You were just as bad as us when we met up."

"We really didn't help each other any, did we?"

"Wouldn't change it for the world," he said. Being closer, I was able to see him wink over at me.

The kettle was on and Angus started combing the shelves for tea bags.

"You really snuck into a kitchen to make tea?"

"We can make more stuff," his reply muffled from his head being inside a cabinet.

"Angus." I rolled my eyes.

Eventually, he came back with a small box, looking at me bemused.

"Pleased with yourself?"

He hummed in response, fixing the tea while I stood by and watched wondering how I went this long without him in my life. It brought along thoughts of when he and the boys would have to leave for their next gig. Probably would be sometime tomorrow.

"I really have missed you," I found myself saying barely above a whisper, taking the offered cup of tea.

"I've missed you too." He sounded like he wanted to say more but he was stopping himself. He was holding back, and something urged me to push him for more, I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

I hadn't even realized that I'd moved closer to where I was pressed against his side. I went to move away when I felt his hand my hip, preventing me from going anywhere. He didn't seem to realize that he had done it and went to pull his hand away when I looked at him.  _Were his cheeks turning red?_

"I'm sorry," he said in a rush. "Hadn't even realized—"

"It's alright."

Silence hung over us after that, however, it wasn't uncomfortable. We had always managed to luck out in that department.

"I've been thinking," he started to say before quieting. His fingers drummed along the cup as if he were nervous. I waited for him to continue, shifting without realizing to hold his wrist. Something I had done in the past to stop his fidgeting, so he would tell me what was going on. It wasn't any different now. "I know you've got a life here, and you don't have to say yes if you don't want to, but what do you think of joining us on tour?"

The answer was on the tip of my tongue. I almost let myself say it before reality kicked in. What about my apartment? The bills? My job was the biggest obstacle. Responsibly, I knew what I should do.

"Angus," I started to say. I should've kept my gaze at my feet, but I never did do what I should when I was around him. "Yes. I'd love to go."

His responding grin was undeniable and I found myself grinning with him.  _This man_ , I thought,  _Is going to be my undoing._  But I didn't care at the moment. I don't think I ever did.

********

I would've stayed in Cliff's room, was even going to, except he had other ideas. He'd told us to carry on when I had arrived back at the room with Angus. "Don't worry about it," he'd said. "I know you guys have a lot to catch up on. Just promise to make time for me, hon." He grinned after saying that, but it held mischief as if he knew a secret that no one else was in on. I shook it off, though. Cliff would be Cliff and in the past, he'd always had a way of knowing things before anyone else discovered or admitted it. A bit like Mal in that way. Those two had always been several steps ahead of anyone unless it came down to something that involved them.

I sat back on the couch in Angus' room. It wasn't unlike Cliff's. Spacious and modern. "It's a long way."

"Hm?"

I shrugged. "Just was thinkin'. You guys couldn't have been staying in places like this back then. You've made it Angus," I said. "You all have." I smiled at him, taking notice that his answering one didn't quite reach his eyes. He sat next to me and seemed to survey the room like it was the first time he was seeing it.

"We almost quit," he said, voice low and quite. "After Bon..." He looked at me with a grim expression that made him look years older than what he was.

"When I heard what happened, I honestly didn't believe it. I thought it was a hoax. A sick joke. Then after... I tried everything I could do to contact you or Mal."

He took my hand, squeezing gently. "Not your fault. Security was high 'cause of us. We didn't wanna take any calls." He sounded far off, his gaze hazy with memories. I leaned my head against his shoulder, knowing there was nothing to be said. Angus shook himself out of it and cracked a small smile. "He always figured we'd see you again. He never once thought you were lost to us."

"Did you?" The question was out before I could stop it. I'd always been curious about what happened after we'd lost contact. I lifted my head and he looked at me, making it impossible for me to slip my gaze to somewhere else. Looking at him like this, our surroundings a blur to my peripheral vision, made it easier to ignore the years that had passed. Made it possible that we were still back in Australia sitting on his couch, the past four years a very drawn out and unpleasant dream.

"Amy..."

"It's okay if you don't want to tell me. I must admit that some days I thought I wouldn't ever see any of you again. Maybe on the telly, don't think I didn't see the stunts you guys pulled," I teased, thinking of Bon going on stage dressed as a woman. "But I thought perhaps you guys may have forgotten about me after four years."

"Never," he said rather quickly. I expected maybe to see his cheeks go red as they had down in the kitchen, but they didn't. His expression stayed serious, something I'd only seen a rare handful of times. All those times either involved Mal or, well now that I think that about it usually meant it was about Mal. Except for that the night before I left. He'd been serious then.

 _Does he remember that night?_  I wondered.

"Good to know," I said, trying to ease down the sudden weighty feeling in the room. It wouldn't do us any good for it to stay and there was one reason why. A rather good one at that, and Angus seemed to understand where I was going but he didn't put any distance between us.

"I think Cliff may have been right," he said, his lips curving into a smile.

"Oh yeah? Why say that?"

"We do have a lot to talk about." An obvious statement had I not felt the weight of his words.

"Not everything tonight, though," I said.

"No. No, of course not, love." He looked over at the clock sitting on the nightstand and laughed. "I guess this morning would be more accurate."

I settled my head against his shoulder and sighed. "Just in time for bed." Those words later resulted in an argument of who would take the couch. Angus claiming he didn't mind sleeping on the couch for a few hours, but he couldn't pull that on me. I'd seen what he put himself through for one show and I knew he had another one soon.

"Come on, Ang. Just take the damn bed," I said. More like whined at this point. We'd been going in circles.

"No," he said, stubborn as ever. "I insist, Amy. Really, it's okay."

I huffed, throwing my hands in the air and flopped onto the bed. "Fine. Then I insist that you share the bed with me."

"Amy—"

"Get in this bed or I'll sit on you when you're trying to sleep on that couch." I laid there waiting for his retaliation. It never came. Instead, I felt the mattress lower somewhere near my side and heard his exaggerated sigh.

"Alright," he said, still sounding reluctant. "This time."

"No. You'll always have the bed," I persisted. "I'm lying here 'cause you're stubborn. Stop being that way and this bed is all yours."

He chuckled. "Very persuasive."

When we'd gone to sleep we'd taken our own sides. Him on the right and me on the left side, and while there had been considerable space between us, somewhere along in our dreams we'd drifted closer. I woke up to his arm draped over my side and my back pressed against his chest. He still sounded asleep. I thought perhaps I could get out from his hold and save us the awkwardness, but I didn't get very far because the moment I moved an inch, the arm around me tightened and shifted me closer. I knew he was asleep, then, hearing him mumble something unintelligible.

"Fine. Have it your way," I whispered. It was easier to pretend on the outside that I didn't enjoy this. Inside, well inside I was warm and felt at home. There was no other place I'd rather be. It was a dangerous spot to be in. I could see the gold band around Angus' ring finger, perfectly in view and flooding me with guilt. It wasn't as if we'd done anything. It wasn't like we were going to because that was long in the past for us. No, I felt guilty because—

I shut my eyes against the answer. I didn't want to hear the words let alone think of them. No matter what, it would always come down to this:  _married_. And that was okay. Angus was happy with the life he led. That was enough for me. It would have to be.

********

"Wasn't so bad, was it?" He asked, not trying to hide his laughter.

"We got lost in the pouring rain." I laughed along with him, rolling my eyes at the situation.  _Of all things to happen, it had to be this._  I pulled my jacket tighter around me, fighting a shiver.

"Made quite an adventure," said Angus. "And lookit, the hotel is right there." He wrapped an arm around me. I didn't resist from snuggling to him for warmth. The rain had slowed down to a light drizzle, but the downpour from earlier had me chilled to the bone. All because we'd gone looking for a breakfast place and only found several cafes.

At the front of the hotel were several fans of the band clustered together. I wondered briefly if they would question why I was wrapped up beside Angus but waved it aside. All they would want is Angus and the rest. To have the chance to get an autograph and maybe a picture. However, they never stopped him when we walked by. Hell, it was like they didn't even recognize him.

"How?"

"What?"

"I don't know. I thought they were waiting around for you or the rest of the band, but we just walked by and nothing," I said, seeing Mal and Cliff standing in the lobby looking directly at us. Phil was saying something to them looking flustered.

"Doesn't happen all the time, but that's the perks of the suit," He said. "They're out there lookin' for the schoolboy. Not some guy drenched from the rain."

"The hell have you been?" Mal was the first to ask. Gaze shifting from Angus to me like we were his children coming in way after curfew.

"Wouldn't you like to know," Angus quipped, grinning.

I shivered against him, debating if I should steal one of his sweaters. I'd seen several in his suitcase when he'd opened it to get his jacket earlier this morning. I would definitely need to make a run home to get clothes. Maybe shove everything in a suitcase and call it good, since I didn't have a lot to take with me. Might seem strange, but I'd long since mastered the art of traveling lightly.

"I would. You'll get her sick and where will that leave us?" He said, looking me over. "I'm sure you need to head home for stuff. I can drive ya."

Angus looked ready to argue, then thought better of it. "You know she's coming with us?"

Malcolm flashed a knowing smile. "I counted on it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright this was a long chapter and I hoped you guys enjoyed it :) Thank you for reading and as always feel free to comment and let me know your thoughts.


	5. Angus

“Talk to Ellen?” Cliff asked. 

“About?” I wasn’t going to make this easy for him. I knew damn well what he was thinking and right now I didn’t want to think about it.

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe that your long lost,” he paused before continuing. “Well whatever Amy is to you, is back?”

I scowled at him. “She’s a friend Cliff. Same as she is to you.”

He grinned and waved his hand. “No, I never kissed one of my friends before. Not on purpose that is.”

“All in the past,” I said, doing the best I could to be nonchalant.  _ He couldn’t know how I feel now. He couldn’t have known how it was back then.  _ I was comforted by my thoughts. Only Mal knew and I knew he wouldn’t tell a soul unless I gave the okay. “They can meet when we head back to Europe. I’ll phone her then.”

“You’re really not going to bring her up before?”

I shrugged. “Amy’s our friend. It isn’t too urgent of a matter.” I’d never been the best liar. I didn’t ever want to be known for telling lies, but right now I wished that I could be more convincing because I knew Cliff didn’t buy a word that I was saying. It didn’t help when he confirmed my thoughts. 

“Bullshit. Ang, I know you. I know Amy. I saw how the two of you acted around each other last night, alright?” He said it like it was a declaration. Staring at me with a fixed gaze and leaving no room for me to go. 

“Amy and I have always been close. That isn’t just gonna go away, Cliff. Even if it has been four years since we last saw one another.” 

“Come off it already. Don’t act like you and Amy weren’t together when her parents forced her to America. You didn’t fool anyone back then on how you felt about her,” He said, catching me off guard. “I know how serious you were about her. I know about that ring.”

I didn’t realize how tight my jaw was clenched until then. “Enough,” I bit out, my hands starting to shake. “It doesn’t really fucking matter now, does it? It didn’t happen. I moved on. She moved on.”

“Then why are you getting pissed off?” I expected him to be smirking, but Cliff had schooled his face into a perfectly neutral expression. The only thing that gave him away was his eyes. They gave away that he already knew the answer. There was an edge of pity within them. I hated seeing it. 

“Because there’s no reason to be talking about this!” I said, voice rising as I tossed my hands up in the air. “It was four years ago. Why the fuck are you askin’ me about it now?”

“You still love her, Angus. That’s why.” 

I moved for the door, shaking my head and trying hard not to go over and throw something at him. “I don’t.” My voice came out sharper than intended. I made sure to slam the door behind me, never giving him the chance to respond. My hands were still shaking, anger coursing through every nerve.  _ None of his damn business. _

Being back in my room did little to soothe my agitation. I was pacing the length of the room, doing everything I could do to fight against going back and asking Cliff why he stuck his big nose into my personal life. 

What in the world had possessed him to enter it in the first place? 

“Not that it matters,” I muttered. I wasn’t in love with Amy. Seeing her had stirred a lot of emotions from the past, but wasn’t that to be expected? It didn’t mean I was  _ still _ in love with her.

_ Doesn’t mean you have to be, sure, but mate you can’t lie to yourself and say you aren’t. _

That voice had me stopping mid-step. Maybe if I’d heard it for another reason I would have smiled, but not for this. Not now, because I knew that voice. The all too familiar gravelly voice that I would know anywhere, the only problem was the person it belonged to was now long gone.  _ It isn’t him _ , I told myself.  _ Just goin’ crazy _ . Funny how that thought did little to comfort me. I’d rather see Bon’s ghost than be going crazy in a hotel room like that guy in the Shining. 

_ Just listen to me, _ the voice persisted.  _ Christ, you’ve gotten more stubborn, or have I just forgotten? That’s beside the point. Angus, look, you ain’t goin’ crazy. Now focus ‘cause this is important and I don’t got a lot of time.  _

“Why not? I’m just imagining you saying this.” I knew I probably shouldn’t respond to a voice coming from my own head, but if I was already going nuts then what more harm could it cause?

_ I’m only saying this once. You’re not making this up, but what you are doing is digging yourself a nice little hole everytime you deny that you’re in love with Amy. Always have been. And don’t start arguing that you’re married. I know you are, remember? So, skip that part and get on with admitting that you are smitting for that little troublemaker of ours.  _

“What good is it gonna do if I do admit it? I’m still married, Bon,” I replied, cringing and trying to ignore the sheer absurdity of this entire conversation, but after waiting for a moment there was no response. It was just me and my thoughts in an empty room. “Great lot of help you were,” I mumbled, flopping down onto the bed, exhaling a heavy sigh. Perhaps Bon, or my crazy subconscious—I hadn’t made up my mind on that one—had a point. Maybe I never had fallen out of love with Amy. She still made my heart race with one smile. Every time she enters a room my attention goes immediately towards her. Doesn’t matter what’s happening. Hell, the moment she came back all my thoughts are filled about her. I still catch myself looking at her, loving the sparkle in her eyes when she laughs. 

“So, maybe you’re right,” I reluctantly admitted. To anyone looking in, I must’ve looked insane, lying here talking to someone who wasn’t even in the room let alone alive. The thought almost made me smile. “I still love her. What can I do about it?”

For a great length of time, I laid there on that bed thinking of what could possibly be done. The odds of every decision were never good. Finally, I decided on what I thought to be the least terrible option. I may still love Amy, but I didn’t have to act on it. I was going to let it be and simply ignore it. Any old habit or impulse would have to be cut right out, even if that meant distancing myself from her. The matter still stood that I was married, and I did love my wife. Perhaps it was on a different level from how I felt about Amy, but I had made promises to Ellen. I wasn’t about to go back on them and hurt her. 

_ And if this ends up hurting Amy? _

It was a whisper of Bon’s voice, faint and barely hearable, however, it was still there in the back of my mind. The idea of causing Amy any pain made my stomach churn harshly. “It won’t. I won’t hurt her.” 

_ That a promise? _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Feel free to comment and tell me your thoughts on this story :) This was a struggle to write, actually, and just recently was I able to finish typing it up. So, again I hope it was worth the wait and that you guys are still liking this story.


	6. Amy

From the moment Mal and I got back to the hotel, Angus was acting… well, not at all like he’d been this morning. He was subtle about it, I’ll give him that, but all the same, I noticed the shift. He wasn’t talkative, not to say Angus was ever known to be the social one, but he was more withdrawn into himself. Instead of responding with his usual quips, he looked off in his own world and when someone would finally get his attention he would say he was just tired or thinking up ideas for changes on set for the tour. 

Cliff, strangely enough, left him alone. Even going so far as to tell Mal to let off on Angus, that they were all worn out from being on the road. Part of me almost let it go. It very well could simply be tiredness or being lost in thought for the cause in Angus’ mood shift. Maybe I would’ve been able to convince myself that was the case had I not been with Angus for most of the morning. Even when I had left the hotel with Mal, Angus had been in good spirits. I wasn’t naive enough to fully go with the idea that Angus magically got exhausted in the hour that I was gone. He’d never been that way. Did he really think that I wouldn’t bother him about it? But when I took in his appearance, he did look a bit haggard. His hair was more of a mess than usual, he looked stressed. I let it go for that night.

No argument came from him when I told him that I was letting him have the bed. I half said it as a joke, but it seemed all humor had left him. I slept on the couch that night and when morning came I went with the boys onto the tour bus. Again, silence permitted between Angus and I. An unusual change that made for an uncomfortable ride out of Seattle. During a stop, I switched to sitting next to Brian. He distracted me from the mostly untalkative Angus, who was in a more dreadful mood than last night. Brian was kind enough to not ask me what was going on with Angus or if everything was alright, whereas Mal or Cliff surely would’ve brought up such questions. I’d known them for too long, but Brian was happy to discuss cars and I was eager enough to listen to him.  

It was nightfall when we got into the next city. I shocked myself when I found I dreaded being in a room alone with Angus. I nearly brought up the matter of staying in a room with Mal or even Brian, but that would’ve drawn attention. Still, even as we got ready to head to our rooms, I wanted to tag along with anyone who wasn’t Angus. His gaze was nothing but unwelcoming. His entire attitude told everyone to fuck off. Yet, when I thought about it, I still wanted to know what was going on with him. I couldn’t leave him alone for another night. I would end up losing it in the middle of the night if he continued with this icy exterior.  

“What’s going on?” I tried asking once we’d gotten into his room. He made no indication that he’d heard me as he walked towards his bags on the couch. “Angus,” I tried again, my voice growing quiet. Had something happened when I was gone?

“M’ fine, Amy. Just tired is all,” he said. The response sounding automatic, almost robotic. He still wouldn’t look at me. Instead, he was rifling through his bag and pulling out a sweater. It was the lack of emotion in his voice that sent a flurry of worry through me. 

“I know you better than that.” I meant for my words to be light, without an edge to them, but they didn’t come out that way. Rather, I sounded like I was starting into an interrogation and I couldn’t help but wince after I spoke. 

He made an unintelligible noise as a response and headed for the bathroom, head still turned downwards towards his feet. The bathroom door shut behind him, leaving me at first feeling concerned and more worried than I was previously. The longer I stood there though, the more I started to feel a bit miffed and hurt. What reason did he have to be acting this way?

_ Better be a good one. _

I’d grown irritated by the time Angus came back out in an oversized sweater and sweats. He didn’t seem to notice my agitation, going back to his bag to shove in the rest of his clothes. All done in a manner that said it didn’t matter I was standing there. He couldn’t care less. Last time I’d seen him like this… god, it was the last night we spent together when I’d told him my parents were going to force me to go with them back to America. 

I found myself putting my hand on his shoulder, wondering what was running through his head, and the irritation I had from earlier started to leave. I simply wanted to know what happened back in Seattle. He’d been fine the other morning when we’d gone out. I knew I wouldn’t be able to get it out of him easily, though, I had learned that long ago.

He shrugged me off and went for the bed. “Said I was fine.” His words came out strained, forced as if he didn’t want to say them.

“You’ve always been a terrible liar,” I said, sitting down on the couch, hands in my lap. “You can talk to me, you know.”

I heard him sigh. His back was facing me as he stood at the edge of the bed, one hand resting on the bed cover. His shoulders were tense, as if ready for a fight. “Amy…” He trailed off before shaking his head. “It doesn’t matter, alright?” He finally turned around, meeting my gaze with his cold one. 

“Angus, look whatever happened—”

“I said it doesn’t matter,” He spoke sharply, his jaw clenched. 

“Fine.” I got up, and for a split second I shifted for the front door, but I couldn’t leave like this. I’d already done that once before and it hadn’t done a lot of good for either of us. I went to the bathroom instead. Duffel bag in hand and went about changing into comfier clothes, brushing through my long hair. The boring routine did little to take my mind off of Angus’ mood change. 

_ Could it be me? _ I wondered briefly. It was possible that I was stretching for an answer. Maybe I should’ve brought up the subject the morning we got lost and caught in the rain. Then again it hadn’t seemed pressing at the time. I certainly couldn’t bring it up now. 

I hated this feeling of not being able to talk to him. Angus was right outside the damn door and I couldn’t even bring myself to utter a word, a simple sentence, because suddenly I didn’t know where I stood with him. In the past— 

_ Oh, it doesn’t matter what you would’ve done in the past, _ said an eerily familiar voice.  _ Get it together. Angus is still as he was when you knew him. Go with gut instinct here, Amy.  _ And with that, the voice of who I had known and missed was gone. It was what I needed to hear, though. Whether it really had been Bon or not didn’t matter right now. I left the bathroom intending to talk to Angus, pushing aside doubts and concerns. 

He wasn’t there when I stepped into the room. No sign of where he had gone either. I decided to look out in the hallway. Maybe one of the guys had stopped and wanted to talk or something, but when I did open the door I was met with a deserted hallway. I wandered over to Mal’s room. It wouldn’t be unlike Angus to go to him. 

“Is Ang around?” I asked when Mal opened the door. It was answer enough when his tired expression turned confused.

“No. Amy, is everything alright?” He opened the door more, gesturing for me to come in. 

I shook my head, hesitating to step into the room. There was one other place Angus would’ve gone off to if he wasn’t here with Mal. “I’m not sure. I just...I’m gonna have a look for him outside,” I said, giving up on any pretense that things were okay because if there was one thing I knew for certain about Malcolm, it was that no one could ever bullshit him and expect him not to see right through it. 

“Hold on, I’ll come with ya,” he said, turning away from the threshold for a second and reappearing just as quick in a coat and jeans. “I knew he was in a mood. If he’s run off, I can only imagine what kind of state you’ll find im’ in. I’d rather get the brunt of it than you being the one.”

We walked in relative silence down the hallway, skipping the elevator and taking the stairs. Just like the other hotel, the lobby was pitch black, not a soul to be heard or seen. The main doors were the only source of light. Malcolm strode towards them. I found I couldn’t move. My legs refused to corroborate, my feet were rooted to the floor.

“Wait,” I said barely above a whisper. 

Malcolm paused in his step, turning around to face me. “What is it?”

I managed to shuffle forward, fidgeting with my hands while trying to figure out how to say what I needed to say. “What if I’m part of the problem? Clearly, he needed to get away.”

Malcolm scoffed, wrapping me in a hug. “Hon, I know where you’re going with this. Stop that line of thinking, it isn’t doing you any good.”  

“I know, but Mal I still don’t think I should be the one to go out there. If he did leave to get away from me then it’d be best if I left him be.” No words could describe how much it hurt to say that. To admit Angus didn’t want to be around me when all I wanted was to help him through whatever was obviously driving him crazy, but I had to think about this objectively and deal with how I felt later. If Angus didn’t want to talk or be around me, I would have to be okay with that, but— 

“He needs someone to talk to,” I told Mal. “Just not me.” 

“And you think that I’ll be able to get through to him?”

I fought back a grin at his bewildered tone. “When haven’t you, is the better question.”

He stepped back, his hands on my shoulders. I met his gaze while he seemed to search my face for something before nodding his head. 

“Alright,” he said. “I’ll give it a try. He can be a stubborn ass, you know.” 

I failed to hide my answering grin, allowing a hushed laugh to be heard. Malcolm laughed quietly with me.

“Thank you,” I said when our laughter had ceased. 

“It’s gonna be okay, Amy. This thing goin’ on with Angus has everything to do with him. He’s got himself in a bit of a mess.”

I nodded my head, trying to believe him. Malcolm never was one to lie, however, I couldn’t shake the nagging thought that I had some hand in the mess Angus was in. Reason being that in all the years I had known him, the only time he’d ever acted this way towards me was that last night in Australia. And logically I knew that wasn't enough evidence to assume that I was playing a role in how he was acting now, but I just couldn’t shake the feeling. I had known that it might not be the best idea to suddenly appear back into his life after four years. I didn’t expect it to stir up trouble for him, though. 

Should I really continue being with them on the road? It really wasn’t looking like the best idea anymore. If I was part of Angus’ problem, wouldn’t it be better if I left him alone?

“No.” Malcolm’s voice cut through my haze of doubts. I frowned at him. 

“No?”

“I know that look on your face. You’re thinking of leaving, aren’t you?”

“Not exactly,” I murmured, not meeting his gaze.

He let out a huff. “Listen, Amy, it’s all on Angus. You leaving won’t fix what’s going on with him. Now, if you truly don’t want to go, I understand, but don’t leave because my brother’s an ass. There’s better company in the band if you decide you don’t wanna deal with him,” he said it partially amused, a small smile playing at the corner of his lips. 

I gave him a tight hug, hoping he knew how much I appreciated his words even if I couldn’t seem to say it out loud. “You need to get out there,” I said, pointing at the doors. “I’ll see you in the morning, Mal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Let me know what you guys think and I hope you all enjoyed the chapter :)


	7. Mal

I came across Angus around the corner of the building. He was up against the brick wall, a lit cigarette in hand—no surprise there—and wearing nothing but a thin sweater and sweats.  _Only he would do this when it's fuckin' raining. Ever the one for dramatics_.

"Mind tellin' me what exactly you're doing out here?"

Angus looked up confused before masking his expression with one of neutrality. "Having a smoke. Something you got against that?" He took a drag off the cigarette just as the wind blew hard in my direction, the smell of nicotine clouding all other scents.

"No," I snapped, reaching for my own cigarettes. "But I do have a problem with you acting like an ass. What the fuck are doing, Angus? Treating Amy like she's some disease. Last we talked you were gonna carry on as friends. This," I said, gesturing at him, holding back a scoff, "Must be the shittiest friend I've ever seen."

He shook his head. "It's not like that. It ain't that simple, Mal. I thought I could do it. I actually believed that I could put all feelings aside and just be friends." He laughed once without humor. "Then, when I woke up with her in my bed...I shoved it aside. I figured I could move on from that. Just sleep on the couch. One morning. That's all it took for my plan to unravel. I had to do something—"

"So naturally you ignore her," I said, deadpanned. "Perfect."

I saw his jaw clench. I knew he must've been thinking up a thousand different ways to hit me. That didn't matter. Not if it didn't lead to him getting to the bottom of this. I couldn't let him continue going on the way he was.

"Look, Ang, I'm not tryin' ta fight with you. I'm concerned. This can't go on."

"I know," he huffed. "I know, and you make it sound easy when you say it like that, but Mal..." He shook his head. "It doesn't matter. You wouldn't get it."

I leaned back on the building, taking a drag off my own freshly lit cigarette. "Try me. I might surprise you. I am your brother after all."

A ghost of a grin crossed his face before he wrinkled his nose, furrowed his brow, and said, "It sounds like a load of crap you'd hear on those soaps on T.V., You know the spiel. Guy falls hopefully in loves with the girl and all that. But, when I'm with her, television doesn't even begin to touch how I feel. The world goes away, and it's like being home with a warm cup of tea in your hands, while outside the rain falls softly. Or it's like being on stage, ya know? Where nothing else matters except for that one moment. Those two hours are everything. That's how it feels being around her, Mal."

 _And I suspected as much little brother. I'd just hoped it wasn't so_. It was a thought that I would never say out loud. Angus was in deep, no doubt about that, and if this was some soap opera I'd tell him to confess his love this instant. Have an affair with little concern for the consequences. All that drama stuff. We both knew very well, however, that it simply could not be. He had Ellen, and we both knew he wouldn't up and leave her. He had one option.

"If that's true, you gotta let her go, little brother. For your sake and hers."

I watched him shuffle his feet against the sidewalk, his hair hiding my view of any expression he bore. I did catch the way his hand slightly trembled when he brought it up to his lips. I'd only ever seen him like this once before; the week he went out and bought a ring for Amy. He had dragged me out with him, insisting that he needed to make sure it was perfect. I had thought, more hoped, that on his wedding day with Ellen he would've had the same nerves, but he remained calm. Content as he had ever been when he first started dating her. It worried me sometimes, and I wondered if I had pushed him too hard to move on from Amy. Find someone else instead of moping about.

"Mal, I've had four years to let her go. I thought I had done that when I met Ellen. It shouldn't be this damn hard."

"Nothin' is ever easy."

He scoffed. "Thanks for stating the obvious. Any other wise words?"

I gave him a shove, catching him off guard enough that he nearly went down. "G'night, Angus," I called over my shoulder, walking back to the hotel. Angus wasn't very far behind.

"How'd you know I'd be out here anyway?"

"A little bird told me. Said my brother was acting like a royal asshat and left his hotel room." Angus was in step with me now, following me into the lobby before reaching out to grab my shoulder.

"Is she alright?" He asked, his expression for once serious and concerned.

"She's just worried about you. Maybe you should talk to her, you know? Actually get your shit together." I watched him for a second, overcome with the need to make sure Angus didn't feel alone. I knew he tended to do that. Even when we were kids Angus would go off and isolate himself if something was troubling him, never wanting to burden anyone with his problems. In those times, I would force him to talk to me. Make him let me help him because I knew he was too stubborn to admit he was struggling. "Will you be okay?"

Angus looked shocked, taken aback by my question.

"Of course," he said too quickly. "I'll be fine, Mal."

"Because I don't want to find you out here trying to catch your death out in the freezing rain, again."

He rolled his eyes, brushing past me. "I'll be fine," he persisted, sounding annoyed. "I'm not a little kid. You don't have to worry so much."

I heard the same words coming from the phone minutes later when I dialed up Linda. It was still early there in Australia, still, she answered and the familiar longing for home flooded through me. I loved being on tour, getting to be on stage, but there were times where all I wanted to be was sitting at home with my girl.

I asked her how things were down there. We talked about the tour briefly, then she cut me off.

"I can tell something is itching at you. Even halfway across the world, I can hear it in your voice, love. What's going on? Is everything okay? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, no all is good here. Do ya by chance remember Amy?" I fiddled with the phone cord, wondering if I should tell her. Hadn't I called her to do just that? I wasn't so sure anymore.

"Just stories that you've told me. Angus was quite taken with her, wasn't he? You had to drag him out of his room after three days of him being holed up in there when she left," she paused for just a second. "Did you happen to see her?"

"Yes," I said, unconsciously nodding my head even though I knew she couldn't see me. "I saw her at a show. Had Brian bring her backstage." Even to me, I did not know how I kept my tone casual.

"How's Angus taking it?"

I couldn't hold back my sigh. "I don't know. One minute he's off acting normal and the next he's out in a rainstorm freezing to death. I'm worried about him, Lins."

"He'll be okay. You two are terribly alike when handling the unexpected. Remember when I told you I was pregnant?" I heard her soft laugh and couldn't contain my own from the memory.  _Took two packs of cigarettes and a shot or two to convince myself I was going to be a father._

"Yes, but—"

"And once you guys leave he'll get over it and things will go back to normal. Well, normal for you guys anyway." The joke fell flat when I couldn't muster up a laugh, causing her to say, "Unless I'm missing something here..."

"Don't stress, hon," I found myself saying. "You've got a lot on your hands over there—"

"Malcolm."

"I'm serious," I insisted. "My biggest concern right now is you and if my daughter will recognize me when I get back. Angus will just have to do this on his own." For the most part, I believed what I told her. She was harder to convince.

"You wouldn't have brought it up if that was the case. You worry too much, love. Are you sure that that's everything?"

"Well, Amy is coming with us to Europe. You'll get to meet her then, and I have a feeling that you'll love her." I knew I had deeply underestimated my wife when I heard her response.

"And he loves her then, doesn't he? That's what the problem is," she continued to speak more to herself than to me. "Of course that'll stir things up. I don't think Ellen will appreciate that very much. Have you reminded him of that, Mal?"

"Of course."

She hummed before saying, "Then you've done all you can do. You musn't stress over it, hon. I'll be sure not to tell Angus' wife, though. What about Amy?"

"She's okay," I said, not fully grasping the question.

"No, I mean does she still love him? Does she even know what's going on?" My silence seemed to fuel her response. "Jesus, Mal, poor girl doesn't even know what's going on and all of this supposedly revolves around her. This would all end if it was simply Angus still stuck on her and not her to him." There in her voice, I could detect amusement.

"You've watched too many of those soaps, woman."

She laughed. "Maybe so. It's gotten quite boring without you and the boys here causing chaos. I miss you."

"I miss you too, sweetheart."

"Come home to me soon. And don't worry, okay? I think you're the one watching all those soaps. You'd be the old woman in the show instigating everything," she said, chuckling.

"You just hush," I quipped. "You're the other old woman listening in to all the gossip."

"No, that's still you dear."

"Hmh, I love you," I murmured.

"And I you."

With the phone being put back its cradle seconds later, there was nothing more to do. Nothing to be done with Angus nor the entire situation.

 _Just let them be okay in the end_ , I thought. Letting my mind slip off to being somewhere else. Back home in Australia where coffee and bacon would be waiting on the table, and my wife would still be lying asleep in bed, and where I could finally hold my daughter again.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter may have its issues, but I hope it's still a good read and that you all enjoyed it. Thank you for reading! and feel free to comment or hit that kudos button if you are enjoying this story.


	8. Angus

I had all intentions of apologizing when I got back into the room. I would've gotten down on my knees if I had to, but when I got there Amy was curled up on the couch with a single blanket wrapped tightly around her. I'm worse than an asshole, I thought. It was cold in the room, the heater not being as good as it should've been considering the Hotel's prices. They made up for it in blankets, although it seemed Amy left all of them for me on the bed, taking only one for herself and it wasn't enough.

I carried her to the bed, feeling lower than scum when I felt her shivering against me. She shouldn't have to feel this way. It sickened me to think that she'd done this out of guilt or perhaps even fear because of how I treated her. Mom would have my head if she knew about this. I made sure to lay her down gently, pulling the covers over her. My heart leapt when I saw the way the dim lights cascaded along her face, a few strands of hair covering her cheeks, and her lips parted slightly in a sigh. Never would there be a more beautiful sight than this. How could I ever let her go?

"Angus," she spoke softly, almost distantly.

"Amy?" I wasn't entirely sure if moving her had woken her up. She hadn't opened her eyes, but that didn't mean much when it came to her. She could carry a conversation half-awake and still have her eyes closed.

"M' sorry. I know you got a lot on your plate." She sat up slowly, flipping her hair out of her face before meeting my gaze with her sleepy one. "If I did something—"

I had to stop her. "No. No, you have done everything right and I've gone on to make a mess of things."

"Why'd you leave?" Her eyes were open, innocent and looking every bit as lovely as the day I met her. It made it all that harder to think of what I would have to do.

"It wasn't because of you if that's what you're thinkin'," I kept my voice gentle. I'd already screwed up enough, this was something I had to do right by her. "It was all me, hon, but I got it handled. I know that you went to Malcolm."

"Well, if you hadn't run off I wouldn't have gone to him. And if you do that again I'll go out there myself and settle it myself," she said with her arms crossed over her chest. She moved to sit on the edge of the bed, blankets wrapped around her waist in a short of halfway cocoon and patted the space beside her. "But I do want to talk to you still."

"Yes, ma'am." I sat down with a grin, knowing she hated being called that.

"Wasn't funny when we met. It still isn't funny now," she said, rolling her eyes.

"You just haven't got a sense of humor, is all. You've always been the weird one."

She pushed her shoulder against mine, but I caught a glance of her smile and heard her quiet huff of laughter. It was a wonderful thing to hear after so much time.

"I missed you, Ang. Really missed you. I know I've told you that already, maybe you're sick of hearing it, I'm gonna tell you right now that I don't care. I also wanted to tell you that even though we've changed, I was hoping that we could remain friends. If that's something you want." She almost sounded nervous, making folds in the blankets.

I was frowning before I even realized that I had started to frown. My hand moved without permission, it seemed my body wasn't going to follow orders anymore, and cupped her cheek; turning her to face me. I had to know what brought this on, but no amount of searching her eyes gave any answers.

"You know I'll always care for you, Amy. No matter the amount of time that separates us, I will always want you in my life." I knew I shouldn't have let my hand linger on her cheek, I was already breaking the boundaries I'd set for myself if I was going to forget about the past and all the emotions that came with it, however, when I went to move my hand away Amy brought her hand up; keeping my hand where it was while she leaned into my touch for just a moment.

"I know," she whispered so quietly I wasn't sure if she had spoken at all. "But it can't be the same as it was four years ago, and I don't want to mess up your life. I didn't come to the concert to do that."

"You're much better than me," I said, whispering as well. Talking any louder felt as if it would ruin whatever was taking place, and I wasn't willing to break this moment. It was looking to be the last one we would share, possibly for good reason, and I wanted it to last as long as it could.

She shook her head, bringing our hands to her lap. "No," she murmured. "I don't see how."

"You, my dear, remain respectful and courteous. Had our situations been switched, I'm not so sure I could do the same," I stopped, shaking my head. "Scratch that, I know I couldn't do the same. I would've carried you off regardless if you spoke of another guy or if a ring were on your finger."

"And how can you be so sure that there isn't some other guy? I could be just as bad as you." She raised her eyebrows, smirking.

"Scandalous," I teased. "But that means I still won. You left the city and any guy there that may have been with you."

"You cheeky devil." She smiled as she spoke. "But you forget I know you very well. If I told you right now that I was happy with another, say happily married, you wouldn't steal me away."

I quirked an eyebrow. Repeating her last words back to her. "And how can you be so sure?"

When she smiled once more, I couldn't be sure, but I swore I saw sadness within it. Just a tinge, enough to be seen if you were looking for it. "Because I would do the same. If you actually love someone, you want them only to be happy."

Her words startled me and the words were out before I could force them back down my throat. "You know, then. You knew all this time?"

Her smile faded into a thoughtful expression. "Not entirely," she said slowly. "Not until that night in the kitchen. I wasn't kidding when I told you I thought you'd forgotten all about me. I saw your wedding ring and I just assumed you'd moved on from that night four years ago. That it was a faded memory or something along those lines, and I was okay with that. I want you to be happy. I didn't expect you to sit around waiting for me or spend your life searching."

I would've. If I knew you one day you'd come, I wouldn't have done what I did. It was a brief thought, there one second and gone the next, leaving behind a bit of guilty regret mixed in with a longing to be able to go back and do things differently. Starting with four years ago where I would've shown her the ring and asked her the damn question instead of getting angry when she told me she was being forced to leave Australia. Although I must admit, I had been happy when I started dating Ellen. Happier than I'd been in such a long time, and I had wanted to marry her. I knew she loved me and I loved her. It wasn't exactly the same as I felt for Amy, but close enough. At the time I thought it was the closest I'd ever get.

"Why, when you say it like that it almost sounds fun," I jested, winding my fingers through hers.

"Be serious." But even she looked amused.

I raised our joined hands to my lips and gave a swift kiss to her palm. "I love you, Amy."

She slid her hand from mine, leaning in and running her fingers through my hair as her lips pressed tenderly against mine. I pulled her to me, letting my hands run up her jaw and into her soft silky hair as we kissed lazily, an edge of a goodbye hung between as each move became more urgent. Almost desperate. Warmth pooled in my stomach, chasing away the chill of the room.

Amy was the first to break away, taking the warmth with her. I nearly drew her back towards me, part of me knew that if I did that I would never want to let her go. Even now I found it hard to consider having to do such a thing.

"Always," she breathed, curling up against my chest where she remained for the rest of the night.

Even as the night wore on and I had moved us under the covers when it became too cold, she remained in my arms, face nuzzling my neck. Lying this close to her, feeling her heartbeat against mine, I didn't know how heaven could be better than this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you all enjoyed the story :) Feel free to comment and let me know what you thought.


	9. Amy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for reading! I hope you all enjoyed this new chapter and feel free to comment :)

"Angus!" Someone shouted through the door. "Hey, we're gunna be late for rehearsals if you don't get your ass out here."

Through the grogginess of waking up, it took a few more seconds to recognize Malcolm's voice, and a bit longer after that to comprehend what he was yelling about, to begin with. He pounded on the door again, but the sound did nothing to stir Angus. He was still fast asleep, his head resting against my shoulder. There wasn't a chance of him moving anytime soon, however...

I shifted myself away from him and made an attempt to leave the bed. My entire plan based off of letting Malcolm in and have him deal with Angus, but my calculations were terribly off. I was closer to the edge of the bed than I thought, my movement nearly sending me down to the floor until Angus grabbed onto me. It was too late, though. My fall was already in motion and Angus went down with me, landing on his back and me on his chest. He grunted low in his throat, still half awake and none too pleased to have been woken up in such a way.

"The fuck you doin' in there?" Malcolm barked out the question, giving another hit to the door.

"Piss off," Angus garbled out, his voice still thick with sleep. He made to snatch a blanket still on the bed.

I held his wrist, rolling my eyes at his grumpy expression. "Don't give me that look Angus." I meant to get up and finally open the door for Malcolm, instead, Angus had other ideas. He locked his arms around my waist.

"Stay," he ordered, though the demand lost its power in his sleepy haze. He said it more like a drunken slur.

"You've got a concert to prepare for," I reminded him. "And Mal isn't going to leave without you."

Angus almost looked comical with his hair sticking up in every sort of direction, most of it falling in front of his eyes. He grumbled under his breath, something about Malcolm and being unfair, and then shifted to where he was sitting up; never letting me out of his arms.

"Don't want to."

"Why not?" I couldn't take him seriously when he looked like this, little laughs escaped me but Angus could care less. It only made him play into it more.

"You won't be there and I wanna stay right here with you," he admitted, giving me his signature boyish grin. The smug bastard knew what he was doing, and I couldn't even get annoyed at him for it.

"Who said I wasn't coming?" I threw back at him, feeling pleased with myself while waiting for his response. A loud knock from the door interrupted our banter, causing both of us to jump.

Malcolm's aggravation could nearly be felt through the door when he said, "Five minutes Angus. If you're not out here in five minutes I swear I will come in there and kick your ass all the way to the goddamn stage," he paused and spoke directly to me. "Amy, you're welcome to join us today."

"That seems to be the only way of getting schoolboy here to rehearsal," I replied, half shouting over my shoulder. I looked back at Angus and brushed a few curly strands of hair out of his face. My next words were meant for only him to hear. "Besides, it'd be quite boring hanging around here without you getting me into trouble."

"I've grown up a lot since then," he said, starting to get up and helping me get to my feet.

I nodded my head exaggeratedly slow. "Oh, I know. I watched you strip and moon thousands of people. The difference is now you're getting paid for it. Very mature."

"It was one time at a party!" he protested, walking towards his bags at the end of the couch. He yanked out a sweater and tossed it towards me, not allowing me to give it back. "You've always taken my sweaters. I'm simply skipping the process and giving you one."

I shook my head, resisting the urge to roll my eyes. There had been enough of that already this morning. When I looked down at the sweater though, it made me stop from getting my own bag. The style of it was nothing odd or eye-catching. It was white with grey snowflakes wrapped around the top half of it, and yet it was this design that caused me to even stop in the first place. "You still have this?" The question bubbled out before I even knew I was asking it. I wasn't even sure if I had meant for him to hear it.

Angus turned around, looked at the sweater then met my gaze. "It was always my favorite one. I couldn't give it up, and, well, you know..." He went back to pull out a pair of jeans before making for the bathroom.

I dressed in the sweater, trying hard not to think of the memories it had brought back.

_Had it been so long ago?_

I shoved my jeans on, maybe a bit too harshly, and started combing through my hair. Fighting my thoughts that kept wanted to pursue the past. Sure, it wasn't awfully weird of him to still have the sweater, but...

"It was a way to remember," Angus said in a soft voice, coming up from behind me. "I don't know if it was to remember you or just of us, and it was too good of a sweater to toss aside."

I turned to face him, only to see that he looked almost sheepish. I held his hands, giving them a squeeze. "It's okay. You know, I still have something you gave to me that night too."

He raised a brow, at first looking confused before realization took over. I turned away from him, getting my bag and setting it on the bed and only had to shove aside a layer of clothes before finding what I wanted to show him. It was still in the small velvet box that it had come in. My mother had been furious when she'd seen it. I showed it now to Angus, handing the box to him.

He opened it without a word. His eyes clouded with the past when he looked down upon the small chain that held a simple quartz ring, small gemstones gathered the amethyst stone. It glimmered now even in the dim light. His thumb gingerly passed over the stone as he looked up at me with countless emotions swirling in his eyes.

"We couldn't have been more than just seventeen," he said it like he couldn't quite believe it had really happened. As if it were in another lifetime.

"I had thought I'd done well with getting you a sweater."

Angus huffed a laugh. "It seems we have even more to talk about than I thought."

"Later?"

He nodded. "Yes. I'm sure Malcolm's got his panties in a twist and I'll be damned if he isn't pacing the hallway right now."

Mal may not have been pacing the floor, but he was waiting outside the door with a fiery temper that didn't waver even when we'd gotten to rehearsal.


	10. Angus

"Half the equipment has already gone ta shit." Malcolm waved a hand towards the amps. "And who the fuck knows where Phil is. The goddamn show is in four hours." He went on without a breath, standing next to the drum platform with his arms now crossed over his chest.

Roadies came and went, it wasn't from their lack of trying that the equipment failed, and they did their best to finish setting up the stage. The weather wasn't looking the least bit promising. Dark menacing clouds were rolling in from the west, and gusts of wind were blowing from that direction. To make matters worse, the one show stopper we had wasn't firing. The cannons were Malcolm's last hope and they hadn't even been able to make a sound. Now, I knew we could get on without them, but the fans were expecting them to be there. They wanted to hear them fire just as they would want to see the bell.

"Then we'll call in some favors. We can get a couple amps. We'll keep messing with the cannons and fuck it if Phil doesn't show up Mal. We've done it without him before."

He set down his guitar and took a swig off a bottle of beer. "Not the point," he argued. "He should be here. Ever since this tour started he's been acting funny. I didn't want to say something in case it was nothing. Haven't you noticed a change in im'?" Malcolm scrubbed at his face, his eyes piercing into mine.

A memory of Phil locking himself in his hotel room not three weeks ago crossed my mind. I'd been the one to find him, Cliff hadn't been too far behind me and together we forced the door open to the sight of Phil curled up in a corner, trembling and half shielded from sight due to the bed.  _"Don't tell Mal," he'd begged of us when we saw his bloodshot eyes and the drugs scattered along the top of the dresser. "I swear I'll get it together. Just don't tell him."_

And for a while, Phil kept his word just as Cliff and I kept ours. We never said anything to Mal, though I felt Cliff had an easier time keeping it from him. With Malcolm looking at me the way he was there would be no way to lie to him. I never could fool him, to begin with. Maybe I should've never kept this information from him at all, but Phil had seemed earnest about getting clean and as I mentioned before, for a while he had been making a good attempt at it.

"I can't say that I haven't noticed," I said carefully.

Malcolm took another drink, both our attention being drawn to the side of the stage where Cliff was returning from. No sign of Phil being behind him.

"There's more that you just don't want to tell me," Malcolm said flatly, still watching Cliff. "But Angus, when it starts affecting our band, our sound, then I deserve to know. There doesn't need to be a big show about it either, just tell it to me straight."

Cliff was upon us then, glancing between Mal and me.

"We've got some spare amps being set up."

"Good. We'll give a few more goes at a couple of songs. I still think shook me could use a bit more energy." He pointed at me, his next words mockingly stern. "You go find that Lil' troublemaker of ours and bring her up here. Maybe she'll be the one to play drums tonight."

One shove after the other, I finally managed to maneuver my way backstage. It only took getting a few minor bruises. Though, they were worth getting to see her. God help me if I hadn't already turned back into the lovesick teenager that I had once been so long ago. I was twenty-five for fuck's sake, far too old to be losing my cool around an old flame, but this was Amy. More than an old flame. More than just a woman from my past. And she kept it. After all that was said, she fuckin' kept it.

She was wearing my schoolboy hat when I walked into the room, her body curled around the armrest of the couch as she wrote in a small notebook. I wasn't prepared for the sudden contentment that went along with seeing her like this nor did I anticipate for the flash of vision that I wasn't wholly sure I had seen at all. Instead of her simply being backstage, she was sitting in a living room; my living room back at my tiny flat in London. A welcoming sight that went with one thought: Home. It all happened in the blink of an eye. There and gone again, but the feeling didn't leave. The vision should've been enough of a scare to make me pause, but it wasn't the appearance of the vision that made me panic. The startlingly intense longing for it to be real, and the disappointment that weighed heavy on my shoulders when I remembered that was not to be my reality; that was what really frightened me.

She looked up at me then, whatever she had been writing had caused her brows to furrow in frustration, her nose wrinkling with distaste, making it be an expression that was more adorable than it had any right to be. One of the many things that had caused me to fall in love with her.

Her face lightened when she saw me, though. Her lips lifting into a genuine smile. "Have they kicked you out so soon?" She teased, closing the notebook and leaving it on the couch as she stood up, making her way towards me. I nudged the hat, quirking a brow.

"Oh, that, well..."

"It's fine. You can keep it, then everyone will know you're with me."

Her cheeks turned a shade of light pink, and she shoved my shoulder. "You really shouldn't be able to do that to me," she grumbled.

"Do what?"

"You know what. Have me blushing like some school girl." She scoffed quietly, eying me with an emotion I couldn't read.

"I think it's endearing." My hand moved without permission, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

"Mhm, but you forget yourself," she said quietly, taking my hand into her own, one finger running across the gold band of the ring.

"Amy..." she stopped me before I could even start.

"Come on," she said, tugging onto my hand. "I wanna see the stage."

I let her lead the way, directing her where to turn until we hit the stage. Phil had made an appearance, after all, sitting behind the drum kit and taking sharp orders from Malcolm, who wasn't letting him off very easily for his lateness.

"Could've been done half an hour ago if you'd been here," he snarled.

Cliff stood near his spot beside the drums, fiddling with his bass while not at all trying to hide his grin as Malcolm continued to rip into Phil. Brian was the one to greet us, pulling Malcolm's attention away from Phil.

"Nice to see you again, Amy. Glad Angus here isn't being such an ass to you," he said, winking at Amy before grinning at me. "He can be quite unbearable sometimes."

"Piss off," I retorted, strapping on my guitar. "Well if we're done harassing me and yellin' at Phil, I think we might be able to get some playing done."

********

There was no end to the rain. It was coming down hard enough that one could barely see through it to know where the edge of the stage was. The fans couldn't care less. Over the roar of the storm, their cheers could still be heard louder than ever.

Brian leaned in close during a solo. His gruff voice growling out, "Fuckin' freezing, Ang. You alright?"

It was bloody cold. What protection my suit had offered had long since been gone when I'd done the strip routine, and the storm had grown increasingly worse since then. Not even the lights offered their usual warmth. Truth be told my skin had gone numb from being exposed to the constant downpour of the rain, my fingers were starting to ache, but we'd done this plenty of times before.

"Just freezin' me balls off, Brian. How 'bout you?"

His answering laugh was drowned out by the storm. He started back into the song, patting my back once as he stepped up to the front of the stage. Brian was just as soaked as I was, and maybe one of us would suffer the consequences later with a nasty cough, but the wave of energy the crowd was giving off was irresistible, making it easy to slip back into the music and forget about the storm, or at the very least it made it more bearable.

It was near the end of the show when I staggered my way to the oxygen tank, hardly registering someone wrapping a towel around me. Two deep breaths and I handed the mask back to the roadie, chugging down the cup of water that someone held in front of my face. Then I was back on stage, flying through another solo and being carried around the stage on Brian's shoulders.

A slip of the foot sent me spiraling face first towards the stage. It wasn't even Brian that had slipped but my own shoe that had betrayed me on the flooded stage when I was getting off of Brian. No one took any mind to it. This would've appeared as one of my normal antics, and thank god for that. I didn't care to be looking like an idiot. That didn't stop the pain of smacking onto the stage on my back, although I knew once the adrenaline wore off I would fully feel the effects of the fall.

"Fire!"

The cannons made a sound louder than any clap of thunder, sparks of fire cascading around the back of the stage. It was with this final salute that we ended the concert, and when we made it backstage I made for a change in clothes, toweling my wet hair. I was halfway to the bathrooms when I noticed a certain long haired brunette wasn't around. At first, I thought maybe she was being blocked by one of the boys, being only as tall as me or Malcolm, Cliff could've towered over her, but she wasn't to be seen. I remembered leaving her on the side of the stage now that I thought about it. Right before the show started she'd been standing there. For the life of me, I couldn't recall if she'd been there when I went on the oxygen tank, but if she hadn't been there where the hell could she have gone if not back here?

"Mal, hey, you seen Amy?"

He looked around as I had, frowning when he came to the same result as me.

"She wouldn't have gone off," he said. "I saw her on the side during the show. Though now that I think about it—"

He and I started for the security, figuring they would've seen where she'd gone off to. It just didn't make any sense. There wasn't a whole lot of places you could go and Amy had never been the wandering type in unfamiliar places.

"She's about our height," Malcolm started saying to the guy. "Long hair. The only female we got around here."

He tilted his head, clearly not knowing what Mal was going on about. He shook his head.

"Well, what about the rest of you?" Malcolm directed his question towards everyone, even the roadies who were busy taking down equipment. "She might've been wearing Angus' schoolboy hat."

Slowly, a man crept up to us looking as if he was about to lose his job. Depending on what he'd done to my girl— gotta stop thinking of her in that way— his worries might not be too far off. Poor guy looked to be new.

"I thought she snuck in, ya know like one of them groupies. She didn't have a pass. I sent her off."

Malcolm asked for which way, and the guy said he had to carry her off to one of the side doors because she wouldn't stop fighting him off.

"I didn't believe her when she said she was with you." He looked at me then, having the decency to appear apologetic. "She didn't look like your wife."

"She's not," I bit out through gritted teeth.

"She's a close family friend," Malcolm replied with a much calmer tone. If you didn't know him you'd think he wasn't mad at all. I knew with one look glance at his eyes that he was as pleased about Amy being thrown out as I was. It was Mal that told me to head outside and see if Amy was anywhere close by. He would stay to clear things up.

My hand was on the handle of the door when someone called out my name. For a moment I let myself hope it was Amy, but the voice didn't sound right. It was too deep to be Amy's. It turned out to be Cliff. He came around the corner, brows furrowed and an unusual expression on his face. It was a rare sight to see Cliff anywhere near angry.

"What—"

"Come on," he said in a clipped voice. "You'll see in a minute." He turned on his heel, leaving me to follow his quick pace. I saw what he meant when I walked into the backstage room. A small body was huddled in our jackets and still I could they were shaking. Brown hair was all I needed to see to know who it was. My feet didn't move fast enough to get me to her.

"Came in through the bathroom window," Cliff explained.

Briefly, I was reminded of what we had to do to get into some gigs. Always having to squeeze through the dingy bathroom windows and someone tossing our equipment at us when we'd gotten through.

"Always been the one to break in," I teased, brushing her hair out of her face.

"Wasn't gonna stay out there," she said in what meant to be a snarky reply but it lost its edge through her chattering teeth. "How the fuck do you play through that?"

"The lights help. Darlin', I'm sorry you were stuck out there."

She continued to shiver, her lips trembled too harshly for her to reply. The sight tugged at my heart.

"I-It's okay," she was finally able to mumble. "Not your fault."

"It will be if you get sick."

"Worry about yourself," she quipped. "I'll be okay, Ang. Promise." She fell asleep not long after, her shivering becoming less frequent.

"He should'a never thrown her out," Cliff grumbled, sitting down on one of the metal chairs. "Hold her in custody fine, but don't toss her out in this weather. Even the fans had raincoats on for fuck's sake."

None of us were pleased with how the guy chose to handle the situation. Malcolm came back, took one look at Amy and said, "Right, we've got fans lined up outside, all of em' going mad. I was able to work out for the car to be on the other side—"

"I'll take her out there while you guys handle the fans," I interjected, already seeing where he was going. At least I thought I had.

"I was thinking I would take her," said Malcolm. "No one knows who the fuck I am anyway. Less attention that way."

Selfishly, I didn't want to let her go even though I knew he was right. Mal wouldn't be swayed, however, and reached out for Amy, while giving me a stern look that clearly said now was not the time for foolishness. I myself did not find it very foolish for wanting to keep Amy by my side. She was alone for two hours and I come back to find her looking like a drowned cat. No, I wasn't very much in the mood to send her off out of my sight, but then again she'd be with Mal. Lord knows he would never let anything happen to her if he could help it. That alone should have made it easier to hand her to him, made it less maddening when I watched the door shut behind him as he carried her off, but it didn't. I was worried out of my mind and doused with guilt for not being there when she needed me. Sure, I'd been on stage and there would have been little I could have done had I known what was going on, nonetheless, she was—

_My girl._

The thought alone had me shaking my head. She wasn't mine anymore, hadn't been for four years, and what in the world did this have to do with her getting forced out into a rainstorm? I heaved out a sigh, ignoring the puzzled looks from the others. I knew what Cliff would say. I could hear it already in my head as I went about putting on dry clothes.

"You feel responsible because you love her. You want to protect her because you still care." He would tell me.

And while all those things were true, it didn't make any difference or any easier to admit it to myself. I couldn't act on these urges. Cliff talked as if Amy really was still mine and I was hers, but to encourage such thought was ludicrous. It couldn't be farther from the truth.

_Right?_

For a moment, just as Phil was walking out to lead the way through the crowd of fans that had gathered outside, I wondered if I ever truly stopped belonging to Amy. I couldn't speak for her, but for me had she not always had a grasp on my heart? Hadn't it always been hers, to begin with?

"Angus?"

I looked up at Cliff with raised brows and forced a smile. It certainly wasn't the time to delve into this mess.

"I'm fine," I reassured him. "It's just still overwhelming having so many people shouting our names." And at least that wasn't a lie. It never failed to be a shock to have hundreds of fans wanting to meet us, knowing our names, and demanding for things to be signed. Especially the tall ones. I took to focus on this one task of greeting the fans, taking photos and anything they wanted to be signed. Some of them were quite nice. The ones that weren't pushy. You always had the spare few that felt entitled to our time, trying to make a grab at one of us when we turned away because they felt they hadn't had enough time or they had another pile of stuff to be signed. Fortunately, they hadn't shown up tonight and we made it back to the car scratch free. Malcolm sat in the driver's seat.

"Before you ask, I got her settled in your room. She's alright, Angus. She was the one who insisted that I leave not even two seconds after I got her to the hotel."

Even knowing that he was right, I still rushed off to my room the second Mal parked the car. For one, I was dead on my feet and heading for bed wasn't looking like the worst idea in the world. For another, I had to check for myself to see if she truly was okay. It wouldn't be unusual of her to play off something that was bothering her. Be it sickness or pain, she would rather deal with it herself than have a show about it. It was no wonder she fit in with Malcolm and I so well.

"Don't go treating me like a doll," she jested, grinning from where she laid on the bed.

"Wasn't even thinking about doing such a thing."

I traded in my t-shirt for something warmer and yanking off my jeans. I hardly had the energy to search for sweats. It just wasn't going to happen tonight.

"I can take the couch tonight."

"No." Amy's response was quick, clearly not her intention judging from her own surprised expression. "I mean...I'm still rather cold and—"

"It's okay."

I had to control my own reaction when I felt how cold she really was. It felt like how I imagined hugging a body of ice while in a blizzard would feel. I pulled her closer, determined to chase away the cold and truth be told I was going to take advantage of being able to hold her this way. I wouldn't be able to do this in a couple weeks, let alone would I be sharing a room with her. This knowledge shouldn't have been able to make me feel as disappointed as I felt.

"Angus." She snuggled closer, not feeling as terribly cold as before.

"Hmh?"

"I kept it because of you." She already sounded half asleep.

"How's that?"

"Don't you remember?" she almost sounded like she was teasing me. I caught her amused her gaze and brought my hand down to hold hers, thinking back to the night I gave her that necklace. The ring, to be precise. One thing came back perfectly clear from that night.

_"Let this be a promise that I will always come back to you." I clasped the chain, the ring coming to settle just below the hollow of her neck._

_"Even when you're all big and famous?" she asked, her fingertips gently grazing over the violet stone. A grin played along her lips, her green eyes glimmered in the soft light that came through the small bedroom window._

_I rolled my eyes. "What kind of question is that? First of all, we both know I ain't getting any taller," she let out a hushed laugh before I continued, "So that's not gonna be a concern. And famous? Nah, that isn't going to be a problem."_

_She grasped my hands, running a thumb over my knuckles. "But if it does happen," she whispered softly. "Even then, will you still feel the same?"_

_"You'll always be my girl. I could have all the fame in the world and I would only want, for one thing, Amy, and that's you."_

_She brushed her lips against mine, tasting of the caramel shake we'd shared earlier. It tasted better on her lips, and as we kissed in my old bedroom that was steadily growing darker and fuller of shadows, I asked of her one thing._

_"Just promise me you'll never take it off."_

_"Wouldn't dream of it."_

_"And..."_

_"Yes?" She asked, wrapping her arms around my neck._

_"Don't bloody lose it." I felt her smile and we shared a laugh that sounded far too loud in the quiet room._

_"I promise," she said in a breath, bringing me in for another kiss._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I struggled a bit with this chapter on how I wanted this to play out, but I feel satisfied with how it turned out. I hope you guys enjoyed reading this chapter and are enjoying the story :)


	11. Ang and Mal

"I'm sorry." The words were out before I could stop them. I wanted to say something more, something that was better than 'sorry' because even I could hear the lameness in it, but for the life of me, nothing else would come.

She ran her fingers through my hair then gently came back down the side of my jaw. It took no thought and no conscious effort when I leaned into her touch. It was something that came instinctively like breathing, and perhaps I should've been more concerned about how easy it was being with her when it never felt quite that way with Ellen, but I couldn't bring myself to bother with it. Somewhere along I must have closed my eyes and I only knew Amy had drawn closer when I felt her forehead rest against mine.

"We were so young. It wasn't your fault that our promises fell through."

"I should've been there for you. I should've listened when you came to me that night." It was like trying to see through murky water when remembering the events that led up to me walking out on her. When that door had slammed shut behind me, the thunderous bang echoing throughout the empty house, I had condemned myself to a world of regret and lounging. Of course, I hadn't thought of that moment in that way back then. No, I'd been overwhelmed with anger, betrayal, loss. I had felt my actions were validated at the time. It wasn't until it was too late, a mere day after our fight, that I had realized the grave mistake I had made. By then, my chance of saving anything between Amy and I was gone. She'd already been forced into a car with her parents and headed for the airport.

"Angus, there would've been nothing that you could have said that would've changed my mind. I was too stubborn and convinced that I was making the right choice. I thought—" her voice began to shake, and after she took a calming breath she said, "I didn't think it was right to keep you tied to me while I was so far away."

My frown deepened upon hearing her words. My memory of that night may have been murky, however, I still remembered clearly what she had said to me.

"You wanted a break. That's what you told me. That you needed time to think about us and you weren't sure if you still wanted to marry me."

"I know." The shakiness was back in her voice. "You would've fought me tooth n' nail if I told you why I had to let you go and I didn't have the strength to win that fight. I know now I should've just told you, but like I said, back then I thought I was making the right choice. I knew you wouldn't let me break things off unless I told you I wanted out. God, that was the last thing I wanted, but then I had my mother in my ear telling me how selfish it would be to stay in a relationship with you when I would be halfway across the world. Eventually, I grew to believe her and that's when..."

A part of me wanted to be angry and somewhere deep down I did feel miffed, but, and maybe it had to do with it being so long ago, I couldn't bring myself to really be upset about it. I had already lost her once and starting a fight about something that could not be changed felt tedious. I didn't want to spend what time we had together arguing over past mistakes.

"I regretted my choice more than ever when morning came," she murmured. "Malcolm had warned me that it wasn't a good idea, and that morning when I saw he was there to say goodbye but not you, well..." she paused, grimacing. "I figured you didn't want anything to do with me anymore."

I nodded my head, remembering that morning and the fight Malcolm and I had about Amy. In the end, he left, and I brooded at home. "The problem was even though I was still pissed at you, I was more pissed at myself because I couldn't manage to stay mad at you. I wanted to yell and at the same time, I just wanted you back home. Malcolm would tell me how you were doing whenever your letters would arrive, whether it was about your classes in college or the mention that you missed us, and every time I would want to write back."

"What stopped you?"

"You. Every time I would get ready to write I would remember what you had said, and I would think, 'Well, what's the point then?'. I was sure you didn't want anything to do with me either."

My eyes opened when she pulled away and let out a humorless laugh, all the while looking down at our intertwined hands. "All that time wasted... I have only myself to blame."

Something she had said earlier about Malcolm came rearing up to my attention quite suddenly.

"If Malcolm knew, then why didn't he tell me?" I wasn't sure if the question was directed more to myself or to Amy, but nevertheless, she heard it and smiled ruefully.

"He said it was for us to work out and he wasn't gonna get in the middle of it. The thing is, I was afraid to tell you. Terrified really. And I also thought you wouldn't bother to read anything I sent you from the way you had left that night. Even now, I was hesitant to go to the show. I wasn't sure how'd you react to seeing me again after everything."

I squeezed her hand, waiting for her to meet my gaze before I said, "My love for you is never in doubt. Even back then after we fought, and I was angrier then hell, I still loved you. I tried to convince myself otherwise, but it was futile. When I saw you backstage...I must confess all I could think about was how lovely you looked and how much I missed you. All that stuff that happened that night was forgotten."

"Such a sap," she said thickly. "But I suppose that night wasn't entirely a mistake. You got married to a wonderful woman. I mean she must be wonderful if you chose her to marry. You deserve to be happy."

"Yes," I said, but I said it more as an afterthought. My mind had begun to wander to thoughts that weren't about my marriage, but to a life that could've been mine had things played out differently.

"Angus?"

"Hmh?" My mind was still off in another world.

"You are happy, aren't you?"

And I knew perfectly well what she meant by that question. She wasn't talking about how I felt right now but about something much more personal and a lot more complex. Had she been someone off the street I would've told them to bugger off. That it was none of their business. But she wasn't some stranger, and that's what made this so much harder.

My marriage wasn't terrible. We were good together, Ellen and I, and there were never any real complaints on either side, yet I always felt as if something was missing. An unmistakable void would sit unpleasantly in my chest whenever I would hear a particular song or smell the sweet scent of honey suckle, the very same scent that went with Amy's perfume. None of this really meant that I wasn't happy, but was I content to keep living in such a way?

"I'm not so sure anymore..."

********

(Mal)

After we got to the hotel, and Amy had gone off with Angus, the rest of us had gone back to my room where there was a mini fridge already stocked with booze. Cliff left the room a few drinks back, claiming he wanted to actually get some sleep for a change. I had my doubts on if that was the real reason for him leaving Phil and me alone with a fifth of Jack Daniels between us. Well, no, I didn't have doubts about it. I damn well knew why Cliff had jumped at the chance to leave, feigning a yawn just as he got up and made for the door, and he had done it as his unsubtle way to make Phil and I talk. Or, rather, he hoped that would be the result.

I wasn't having it.

"You've been a hardass towards me ever since we got on the road," Phil started. By now we were five shots in and his speech was already slurring, nearly unintelligible. "I'm the best drummer you've got. You know this. So, what the fuck?"

"Let's not do this now."

"Why not? You've got no problem pitchin' me shit when everyone else is around. Now you haven't got an audience and all of a sudden you go silent?"

I gritted my teeth against my initial reaction of telling him to go fuck himself. I wanted to know what he was hiding. What he'd been doing every time he was late for an event or rehearsal. With this in mind, I willed my tone to remain calm. "Phil, I know something went down two weeks ago. I know Angus is keeping it quiet and I figure Cliff is involved too—"

"I've got it together now," he slurred. "It's not even a problem anymore."

"Then where were you today when we needed you? When we needed you for every other sound check, and goddamnit Phil why even hide it from me in the first place?"

He scratched the back of his neck. "You wouldn't get it," he said under his breath. "I was just taking a small dose earlier before the show. Taking the edge off. But it's not a problem because I have it under control."

I've heard this before...

It was eerie seeing him in this state with a bottle in his hand. If I wasn't looking at him, I would've sworn I was hearing the ghost of a voice that had been silenced all too soon. I hadn't done anything back then, I had thought it was better to let Bon handle it himself and not a day went by where I didn't blame myself for not speaking out. I refused to sit by this time and watch Phil destroy himself.

"Look, if you need to take some time to get it together, fine. We'll be okay until you're good to go again."

"I'm good now," Phil insisted, an edge in his voice. "I'll be on time for now on if that's what it takes for you to stop worrying about me."

"No." I shook my head and twirled the cap of the bottle around the table. The following words came out sounding like a parent scolding a child. "No, I want you to have your shit together. I don't want to lose anyone else, Phil. I don't want that phone call."

I waited for his response, but he merely nodded his head and poured himself another shot. There was nothing more to be said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Feel free to comment and let me know what you think :)


	12. Angus

_"I'm not so sure anymore..."_

Those words hung in the air, making it impossible for either of us to speak. Even if I could utter a sound there was no way for me to back out of what I'd just said. Amy would call me out on my bullshit, as anyone would in this situation, and what good would it do?

I mustered up what little courage I had and tried to break the thick tension between us, but I never got further than opening my mouth because it seemed Amy had quicker recovery time.

"I should go," she said, already twisting back around to get off the bed.

I held onto her wrist. "Don't. Don't go. Amy, I didn't—" I stopped short, shocked into silence when her panicked gaze locked with mine.

"Don't tell me you didn't mean it, Angus."

My heart was beating fast. If she walked out the door and left, I knew she wouldn't be coming back.

"I only meant I didn't mean to scare you off. I've meant every word I've said. I won't be taking them back."

She frowned, shaking her head with a wild look creeping into her eyes that were near hysterical.

"No. No, Angus, we can't be doing this. I didn't come back to be some homewrecker and I don't plan on being one either. I refuse to be the woman who destroys your marriage."

Once more I was too bewildered to speak. All the things I wanted to say swirled in my head like a tornado, and I could only wonder where all this came from. She didn't talk as if she were just now thinking of these issues. She spoke too confidently as if she'd been mulling over these thoughts for a while now.

"And how would you be the one destroying my marriage?"

Her lips thinned and she rolled her eyes. "Were you not happier in your marriage before I came back? Did you have any doubts?" As she spoke, she shifted off the bed and crossed her arms. When she had managed to slip her wrist out of my hold I do not know, but now she was a few feet away from the door and quite suddenly I knew it didn't matter what I said. She had that same determined look from four years ago and just like back then, I wasn't going to win this fight.

I gritted my teeth against every retort that I could throw back at her. If she wanted to leave then that was just fine by me.

"If you want to leave then leave, Amy. You seemed to have made up your mind with assumptions and as usual, you never bothered to check in with me to see if any of them were right."

"You're not denying anything I've said!" She said, exasperated. "What do you want me to do, Angus?"

"I don't know," I said, my voice raising. "I don't have a fucking clue, but what's the point in talking this shit out when you're already making a run for the door. So leave, Amy. Forget about what I said and leave."

She stood there for a moment, her eyes glimmering with unshed tears and fury radiating off of her, and her lips parted as if she were about to say something but then she shook her head as if she thought better of it. The door slammed harshly behind her and the room seemed darker than before.

I sat there for I don't how long. When I got tired of sitting I started to pace the room, but it did nothing to soothe the anger and adrenaline caused by the argument. I didn't take notice of the storm until a particularly loud clap of thunder interrupted my brooding. At first, I didn't think much of it until...

 _Fuck, fuck, fuck_.

"She wouldn't go out there," I muttered, all the while I was still pulling on my coat. "She wouldn't. She's with Mal or Cliff and probably rightfully telling them that I'm an asshole. She's got to be."

But when I went to first Cliff's room and then to Malcolm's, they both said the same thing. "Haven't seen her." Except Malcolm wasn't as compliant to let me leave without further questioning whereas Cliff was more than happy to go back to bed.

"What the fuck did you do? Every other night you're either freaked out about something or screwing shit up with Amy. What's it this time, huh? Don't tell me ya fuckin' made a move on her."

He smacked the side of my head when I took to long to answer.

"Fuck's sake," he grumbled, going over to shove on his shoes and coat. "And you thought that was a good idea? Nevermind about your wife back at home or that maybe Amy doesn't wanna be your little mistress until the tour is done. What the hell were you thinking?"

"I didn't try anything with her," I said, trying to ignore the guilt that was settling inside of me. "We had a fight."

He turned, his steely-eyed glare pierced into mine. "I've got a feeling that I'm not going to like what you have to tell me next."

I ignored him. "Help me find her."

"For her sake and not for yours."

We split up the search and when there was no sign of her around the building, I nearly got defeated until I remembered where I took her the first night she had stayed with us. She was pissed enough that she wouldn't care about how it would look to be breaking into a kitchen. I found Mal, told him of my idea and he shrugged. Telling me that if she wasn't there then he would keep on looking out here. He was still upset with me, I knew from the way he clipped his words and scowled at me from underneath the hood of his jacket. When I set out for the front doors again, however, he grabbed my arm and turned me around.

"Whatever happened between you two, make it right. I told you last time to get your shit together and here we are again back in the damn rain. Next time I'll just punch ya and call it good."

I nodded my head, knowing that somewhere in the midst of the search and the many arguments I had with myself, I had come to an abrupt decision. I could only hope that I could see it through.

Amy wasn't in the kitchen. I never made it so far as to the kitchen because she was sitting in one of the chairs surrounding one of the small tables in the dining room. She didn't call me over, she never even looked up when I entered the room. Only when I sat down in the chair directly across from hers did she glance up and promptly went back to lay her head down on her arms. From that brief glance at her face, I'd seen that she'd been crying and it sealed my decision I had made earlier.

"Amy, I'm sorry. I...you were right... about everything and I was and am terrified by what it meant and what it still means. I acted like an ass."

"Yes, maybe even a royal ass, but from the beginning, I should've heard you out. I'm terrified too. I don't know where we stand or what to do with all of it, you know? I hear say you aren't sure about your own happiness in your marriage and I snapped. All I could think was that I was a homewrecker."

"You're not one," I said quickly. "I'm the one to blame. I keep remembering things from the past and I forget that we can't go back, and when I saw that ring...I wanted so badly to be able to go back."

"But we can't," she murmured. "All we have is right now."

 _And right now all I want is to be with you, always_ , was what I wanted to say, but I knew I couldn't say it.

I knew what I needed to say, but when she looked at me with her eyes that shone like an emerald green stone, all that managed to come out of my mouth was, "I love you."

She smiled grimly, "I know. And we'll go back in circles with ourselves if we don't settle this matter. It's up to you, Angus. I'm not saying it has to be tonight or even tomorrow, but when you do make up your mind you know where to find me." She squeezed my hands softly before letting them go and standing up.

"Where will you go?"

She paused, not quite sure until she saw Malcolm come in through the lobby doors. She tilted her head in his direction. "I suppose I'll go ask your brother if he doesn't mind sharing his room. Until you've made your decision I think it would be best for us to not share a room let alone a bed. We both know how we are about the couch," she said, attempting to smile.

"You don't have to." Was it bad that my heart ached with knowing that I wouldn't be able to hold her in my arms at night? _Yes, yes maybe that wasn't the best reaction to come from someone married to another woman._

"We both know that I do. You'll never make a decision if I'm always with you."

As she walked out of the room I couldn't help but think: _I have already have decided. I know what I want._

"My god, that woman will be my undoing."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's getting angsty I know, but the next chapter will be a little more light-hearted I promise. Thank you guys for reading and I hope you're all still enjoying the story :) I love reading comments, so please feel free to write to me. Until next time...


	13. Mal

"Has he said anything?"

"No. How's he been doing?" Asked Amy. She was curled up on the couch with a book lying across her lap, a pen in her hand, and her hair up in a high ponytail. Where once her brows had been pinched together in a look of concentration, they were now smooth and adopted a look of concern instead. She was waiting for me to probably tell her something reassuring, having not been to any of the shows and opting to stay clear from Angus' sight. I swear if those two put as much energy into their communication skills as they did with their avoidance skills, by god this whole thing could've been solved in a couple of days. It would've been for the better too.

"He's..." W _ell, actually, he's been a right pain in the ass_ , is what I would've said. Angus was never very good at working out these kinds of problems. His performance today best exemplified that fact.

_"Angus," I called out when yet again his timing was off with the beat of the song._

_"I know, I know. One more try, I'll get it next time."_

_"You know this song like the back of your hand. There hasn't been a problem before. If there's somethin' botherin' you—"_

_He'd spun around with a sudden burst of frustration. "It's got nothin' to do with her or any of that mess, Mal. I'm feeling off today, that's all."_

_"You know, I'm getting tired of having my head bit off every time I try to help."_

_"Then stop helping."_

"It hasn't been the best of times," I said. She looked down guiltily, causing me to add, "It ain't your fault. Sooner or later you guys were gonna have to confront this and you merely forced the issue. Better now than if we were back home."

"Do you think he hates me? After everything, I've done and now I put him in this situation...I feel like I've ruined any chance of keeping a friendship."

I snorted and she looked up me with a frown, clearly not seeing the humor in what she said.

"I'm sorry, honey, but from the moment you guys were in the same room neither one of you were thinking about friendship. Hell, Angus was mad about you the second he saw you at that school dance all those years ago, and we weren't but maybe fourteen years old. He could never hate you. He's just got himself in a pickle."

She raised her eyebrows in a way that said, "That's an understatement."

"My point exactly. I'm the reason he's in this situation. If I had just said hi and bye, then none of this would be happening," she reasoned, closing her notebook with an air of agitation beginning to surround her.

"You actually believe that?"

She nodded. "How else am I supposed to see it? I'm not innocent from this, Mal. I should've told him no when he asked me to come on the road with you guys."

I stopped her before she could go one with this terrible rant. "Enough, Amy. You guys are so damn blind sometimes. Look, sure things are pretty shitty right now, but there wasn't a damn thing you could've done to stop this. Angus is stubborn when he wants something and he wanted you."

"He's married," she said, interrupting me. "We both know Angus wouldn't have married if he didn't love her. He's only feeling conflicted now because of old memories."

"No," I said, slowly shaking my head. "I can't tell you exactly how Angus feels, but all I know is that for four years every time a girl that even looked similar to you walked by us, his entire demeanor would change. A light in his eyes that had been dampened since you left would suddenly spark to life only to diminish when he realized it wasn't you. And did he ever tell you what happened after you left?"

She shook her head. She still didn't look convinced even after my little speech.

I sat up and held out my hand to her. "I'll tell ya if you'll take a walk with me."

"You can't just tell me here?"

Maybe I would've had she'd not been in this room for the last couple days and I had only been out of out it myself to do rehearsals and then the show itself. I was sick of seeing this hotel room and its bland white walls.

"We both could use the fresh air."

She worried her lip, glancing at the door with an apprehension that I didn't understand until she looked back at me with embarrassment showing in her eyes.

"He's not out there, and even if he was it's not as if he would bite your head off, Amy."  _After all, he's just as confused as you are._

She let out a noise of frustration. "I know that. It's just... I don't know, it's silly now that I think about it."

"How 'bout you tell me about it once we're outside?"

"You're incorrigible," she said, failing to sound scornful. She knew I had won, and she proved it by grumbling her way towards the door. "Fine, since you're all set to go outside, then let's go and get this over with."

Regardless of her previous misgivings for going outside, Amy was actually smiling after a few moments of walking around. She hadn't smiled since the night before her and Angus' talk and that was over a week ago. But now, now she seemed more at ease until we stopped to sit at a cafe shop. She fell silent, her gaze dropping from my own. It was only after the waitress had come to get our order that she released a sigh and said, "I suppose I can't avoid this forever." Whether she meant for me to hear this I do not know because after she spoke, she followed it up with saying, "Do you want me or you to go first?"

"I think what I need to tell you will benefit you more if I go last."

Her shoulders slumped, and she nodded her head like she was accepting her fate. "It's going to sound extremely silly to you," she began. "It sounds ridiculous even to me now, but I've kept myself in the room for more reasons than avoiding Angus. It's more than just an accidental run-in with him. I could handle that if that's all that it was, but it's not, you know? There's a wall between us now, and I know I'm the one that's forced it to be there, but he and I were always open to one another. I don't know if I could handle seeing him close himself off from me. To actually see him hurry away from me as if he doesn't want me in his life."

"I fail to see how that's silly, Amy."

She raised a finger, taking a sip of her tea before saying, "What I've been doing is exactly what I fear of him doing to me. I've gone about this all wrong and I don't know how to fix it, Mal. If I run into him now, not only will I feel guilty for treating him the way I have, but I have no idea what I'm doing anymore. I wouldn't know what to say to him. God, I wouldn't blame him if he asked me to leave, that he was done with dealing with the mess I've created." She ran a hand nervously through her hair. Once more she dropped her gaze from mine and retreated into herself, clutching the cup of tea with both her hands.

I reached out and covered one of her hands with my own. Everything in me wanted to laugh and not because I found amusement in anything she said. No, I wanted to laugh because neither Angus or her saw how much alike they were and it was maddening. They always thought so little of themselves and it blinded them from the truth. They could never hate each other and they would never stop caring for one another.

_And I've got to be the voice of reason like some wise ol' owl._

"As I've said before Amy, he could never not want you in his life. Believe it or not, even after you left the way you back then, he still loved you. He still wanted you to come back even though he was hurt and upset over your guy's last fight."

"He told me this."

"But he didn't tell you everything."

She frowned impatiently but stayed where she was and didn't try to argue. She was ready to hear me out at least. She might actually listen now rather than shove aside the story as I was sure she would've done if I told her in the hotel room. 

I settled into my seat now that I knew she was going to stay, and I thought of where to begin. I didn't think Angus would let her know how deeply he'd been cut by her leaving. Sure, he'd tell her all that he was comfortable with telling, but it wouldn't include those first two weeks. Angus wasn't one to delve too deeply into sharing his emotions, even with me. Hell, he'd been like that even as a kid. It was because of this that part of me felt guilty for going behind his back and sharing this information to Amy, but if it helped them get to a better place from where they were at, it was worth it wasn't it?

"If I am to tell you the story honestly, I must admit that I didn't notice how bad it had become until after the first couple of days..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! I know it was a long wait but I hope this chapter proves to be well worth the wait :) I've just got on Spring Break from college, so I was finally able to get this chapter wrapped up. Feel free to comment below and let me know what you thought.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Let me know what you thought about this chapter and I hope you enjoyed reading it :)


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